The Summer Of Change.

With all the changes I have been making in my life, I am slowly realizing that I have missed out on some seriously fun (and sometimes scary) things over time! And so, with the help of a handsome friend of mine who is now calling this "The Summer Of Change" for me… I am compiling a list of things to do this summer.

Camping (or at the very least sleep in a tent somewhere) - I haven't slept in a tent in more than 10 years!!! (My Princess Tiara gets tarnished in the woods, so I'll leave it at home.)

Ride a real, honest-to-goodness roller coaster. (I should mention here that the last time I went to get on a roller coaster, I honestly and truly thought that the pressure from the safety bar was going to literally crush my boobs and they may explode from the G-Force, so I got off - it really hurt God damn it! My fear is that this may happen again, and I'll be horrified, despite the fact that they have shrunk.)

Learn (or try to) to use my lawn mower - I have lived in my house for more than 3 years and I have never cut the lawn myself thanks to a deep rooted fear of the lawn mower - more specifically, the whirling blades of the lawn mower that could easily cut off a toe or two, or fling sharp objects back at my slicing me open and leaving me to bleed to death.

I want to ride my bike 50km without stopping - and if I achieve that 50km ride? I will sign up for an 80km ride to Kemptville in support of MS.

Learn to run 5km for the Army Run in Ottawa, September 19th, 2010.

Go to the Drive-In movies - and make an event out of it. Popcorn, candy, blankets, pillows, kids falling asleep in the back of the car on the way back to town...the whole nine yards.

Maybe make out at the drive in movies? So cliché, but so fun! Ummmmm....I guess I should find a date for this first, eh? And of course, leave the kids at home for that trip.

Go to movies on the beach in Westboro - No making out - too many families and kids around.

Tree top adventures at Lafleche - this one was suggested by my friend, but I may have to nix it based on a serious fear of falling.

White river rafting on Riviere La rouge - I am not afraid of getting wet, or hard work…just of falling out of the boat and being dragged along underneath it till I drown. But we'll work on that.

Paintball, paintball, paintball! - this one was also suggested by my friend. And only if no balls are flying at my face (pervy innuendo fully intended) will I participate in this activity.

Host a Boyz Night Ottawa Chapter at my house - this has been planned for August 10th. I wonder if it would be too much to wear a full blown beer wench costume? I do want to ensure that the Boyz are well taken care of while they trim my bush. Wait a second! Let me clarify, they're trimming the hedges in the backyard. I don't need landscaping in my nether regions!

I think I will add to this as time goes on and I pick up more ideas from friends and tourism sites along the way.

I hope your day is awesome!

Hello my old friend, I have missed you!

This topic has come up many times over the years - amongst friends, in posts and blogs, as well as magazines.

And the question still remains - to shave? or not to shave? All your nether regions, that is....

I have made a very important decision and I know that a lot of you do it, and most of my closest friends do it as well...but I have decided to take a stand against conformity and never ever shave it clean/bare/bald ever again.

I have tried waxing it all off - AAAHHHHHHH KELLY CLARKSON!!!!

And over the past 4-5 years, I have run the gamut of shaving it all off, letting it all grow back in, landscaping, trimming, etc...

The last time I shaved it all off was just a few months back - end of November - and that was it for me. It. Just. Feels. Odd. For me, it feels unnatural. There was all this extra air flowing around, I was itchy as fuck, and I was cold God Damnit!!!!

I think it was the itchiness that nearly killed me - I even told my girlfriends: "I have got myself scratched raw. I am NEVER shaving it ALL off again!"

Now, I should state for the record, I do NOT need an effing urban planner down there - as I am simply not that hairy. But I have decided not to ever shave the whole Jesus works of it off ever again. I will tidy it up, trim, and keep the "point of entry" clean as a whistle, but the buck stops there.

When did pubic hair become so unruly and unwanted anyways?! And don't all trends resurface after a few years?

Ah, I don't care about trends anyways. I march to the beat of my own band, and I like me that way!

Ladies, here is your chance - beef about it while you can. Be different. Take a stand. Vent, if nothing else. And if anyone has advice, or tips, please share! Maybe someday I will just go get it lasered.

But not ALL of it.

Nope.

Never again, I said.

And on that note!? Now that I have bared it all... Have an awesome day!

Pay It Forward....

I have decided to stop buying obligatory gifts for birthdays, and at Christmas for anyone over the age of.....say.....20-ish. Really, what the heck am I going to buy for my adult working friends that they can't buy themselves? or that they don't already have?


What I do believe in however, are those "OMG! So-and-so would love this!" or "I saw this, thought of you and just had to get it!" or the best gifts and prizes of all? The "I think this contains an important message, and so I am passing it on to you. You cannot pay me back, I do not want money, but what you can do, is pay it forward."


For me, this specific gift almost always comes in the same form. A book. And more often than not lately, the book is Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. If you want to understand me, read this book - I swear to you, I took the same spirtitual journey with the author when I read it the first time. And each time that I have picked it up, or listened to it on my iPod since then, I always regain some insight into myself.


In early March of this year, I met an outrageously funny, ever-evolving, open, warm and fabulous chick, who I'll call Janet. Do you ever meet some people and just instantly love them? That's how it was for her with me - she fell for me, hook, line and sinker. ;)

Je joke. We just connected, and so we did what all new friends do these days - we added each other on Facebook right away.

With Janet living in Montreal, and me here in Ottawa, we started keeping in touch via emails, and getting to know each other. After awhile, I came to see that this vivacious, intelligent chick needed what we all need sometimes - another fucking growth opportunity (AFGO for short).
Granted, I may have been off base, but I was getting the sense that she was selling herself short, and allowing jerk-off men into her life, when she should realize her own worth and sense of self.
So, while I didn't know her that well at the time, I made my notes on sticky paper, stuck them on the pertinent pages, and sent off a copy of Eat Pray Love anyways.

And here comes the part about paying it forward. Fast forward a mere 3 months, and my friend is embarking on a whole new life journey - with her first baby on the way, the purchase and move into a new house, she is in the process of renting out her apartment to someone new. Thanks to the wonders of technology and social networking again, these two girls have been writing back and forth and guess what!?!?! This new girl needs the book, too!

And so, Janet is going to clear out her apartment, move on with her life, into her new home, take the lessons learned with her, and leave only The Book behind to pay it forward for someone else to enjoy the journey.

How great is that!?

I hope that you have an awesome day!

P.S. I loved this story, and so I absolutely had to share it with you.

I Heart Boyz...

I do. I really and truly love. men.


I don't care how tall they are, or what they look like, or how fit they may, or may not be.


I. Love. Men.


There are so many things that make men different from women - what's *not* to love, really? Men are typically strong, full of "useless" trivia and knowledge, and they usually have more stamina for labour intensive work than us chickens do.


Take the time I went sea kayaking with some friends. Stupid me. I got in the double kayak with another girl. A freaking weakling, too! Long and hilarious story short? We almost capsized, she gave up paddling about 1/4 of the way through the excursion, and by the time we were 3/4 of the way done, we had to flag down a guide to help get us back to shore because I just couldn't do it alone anymore. Yep. You guessed it. A boy.


I love that men are so easily pleased, so simplistic in the way they think, and typically so direct in the way they communicate.

I love that most men are somewhat technically inclined - don't ask me to hook up a surround sound system for the love of God!

I love the way men who golf swing their clubs at an average speed of 90kms an hour and the noise of the club head making contact with the ball...watching it sail 150, 175, 225 or 250 metres straight!

I love men who run, men who cook, men who will watch the occasional chick flick with me, and men who can fix. things. for. me. Or at least try.

I love putting my head on a man's chest and just feeling taken care of and safe - whether I am 5 inches taller than he is, or he is towering over me. Whether we're lovers or not.

I love stubble. I totally get that I am in the minority here, but I do. They can grow it, and thanks be to Christ I can't. And I think it's sexy...a sign of masculinity. And I like the way it feels against my skin.

I love men who have, and maintain, friendships, and I love men who are good fathers. This, to me, is hugely attractive, and speaks volumes about who they are, without really having to say a word at all.

Men who read? Hot!

Men who are funny? Sweet suffering Christ.... there aren't enough words for this.

Men who think *I* am funny? They're heads above the rest!

I love the way men smell and feel and sound.

I love that they usually love long hair, fingernails and curves on a woman.

Men who freely tell their friends, me included, "I love you" are awesome.

I realize that some women will read this and think "But don't men get on your nerves, too!?" Hell yes they do! Of course they do... but so do some women. So aggravation isn't gender specific...and there are lots of things I love about women, too.

But I'll blog about them another day. Today, it's all about the Boyz...

Have an awesome day everyone!

YMCA

I come from a pretty small, fairly dysfunctional, slightly broken family. Who doesn't these days, really?

Growing up like that, but being a person who thrives on having people around her, I have always created my own family wherever I go. A huge family, too!
The people who surround me and encompass my extended (and growing) family come from all walks of life, all age ranges, both sexes, and various statuses - married, single, with kids, hate kids, gay, straight, bi. Wealthy, no-so-wealthy, slutty, prudish. You get the idea…

I am like the YMCA - all are welcome.

I consider myself to be one of the luckiest chicks alive to have the friends that I do in my life.

I have this thing that you should know about me though…and maybe it's unrealistic and maybe I should just let it go, but basically, when you've signed on to be friends with me? And I have let you into my home, my life, and my heart? Ummmm….we kinda have to be friends for life.

Granted, it does take time to get to that place, and we may decide to ditch each other after only 6 months, realizing "You're not nearly as cool as I thought you were, and I accept that, cause it's all good old friend. And at the end of the day it's not you, it's me. But yes darling, we're breaking up".

It's the ebb and flow of life. Those things do happen… but generally speaking, if we can make it past the 6 - 12 month honeymoon period, when we decide to remain friends past that, you're kinda stuck with me. Through thick and thin, come hell or high water, till death do us part. And I hate to point out the obvious, but that's a good thing people! I mean, I am a pretty good cheerleader to have in your corner! Even if I only say so myself.

One thing though - what about effort? If I put effort into you, shouldn't you put effort into me? If I ask you how your day was, shouldn't you ask the same in return? If I invite you over for dinner and out to parties, shouldn't you do the same with me? Or do you not really give a shit? Maybe I want to be your friend far more than you want to be mine. Is that the message I am supposed to get here? I do tend to be a tad slow on these things - you have to spell it out for me like I am 5, please.

I am thinking about this subject lately because I have a super close girlfriend who I'll call Juniper, and she is being treated poorly by a friend of hers - not someone I have ever been friends with myself. My darling Juniper remains optimistic and hopeful that someday... maybe… just maybe her friend will put some effort into their friendship again. But after innumerable occasions of being ditched without so much as a text to explain why, and plenty of unreturned phone calls, when is enough enough?

I am not sure that I have an answer for this one - clearly all people and situations are different. But I do know this…when it stops working for me, I cut my losses and leave - breaking the contract, and tearing right through your signature on that invisible line on the invisible contract we figuratively signed.

For my own sanity, and for my heart and my energy, I have to. I did it with my father, and I have done it with a select few friends. I wish them well, hope that they are happy and having fun, but when I am putting out far more than I am getting back? Catch you on the flip side, folks. This relationship is done.

Women seem to struggle with this more than men do, and that fascinates me. But the differences between men and women are also topics for many many future blog posts.

Don't be afraid to clean your friendship closets out folks! Say "see you later" to the friends who don't fit anymore. It's okay to do that. You have to give yourself permission to do what's best for you.

As always, I hope you're having a truly awesome day!

August 9th, 2009...

Throughout my blog, you will hear me refer to a journey, my health, my goals and possibly my accomplishments if I feel like bragging a bit.


So I thought I would share right now, my A-Ha moment with you, so that you get an idea of where I started from. Wake up moments. We all have 'em. It's just a question of whether or not we're paying attention when they happen and if we're ready to make changes.


I have been a bigger - okay, big girl my whole life. There. I said it. I put it out there, and not only can I not take it back, I don't want to. I no longer deny who I once was, and who I am working not to be anymore. I no longer carry shame with me about being the girl who carried all her baggage around with her quite literally. To be honest, I always liked her anyways, and most people who met her seemed to really like her, too...


I digress.... back to the point. Last year - August 9th 2009 to be exact, on a weekend trip to New Brunswick with an lifelong friend of mine, I took a figurative kick to the head, and realized that it was time to make changes in my life. As we toured around P.E.I. and New Brunswick, talking about life, love, sex, personal growth, and everything in between, with great tunes blasting in the rental car, and the wind in our hair (okay, MY hair. He is bald.), I was having the time of my life.


It was important to both of us to get to Hopewell Rocks in the Bay of Fundy on that gorgeous sunny Sunday, and so off we went - the tail end of our weekend of footloose fancy-free fun. So we get to the entrance to this historic site, and trek off down the path, stopping along the way to admire the scenery, and finally making our way 1500 feet down to the floor of the Atlantic Ocean.

Let me tell you, if there is anything in this world that I love and respect, it's the ocean. And we added our time down there to the already amazing chunk of time we had spent together.


But sometimes, the things that go down, must also come back up... And when I was standing beside my friend, faced with having to walk uphill along somewhat rugged terrain for 1500 feet, I didn't even want to try.

Let me say that again so that you fully grasp the weight of it.
I. Didn't. Want. To. Try.
And here is that proverbial kick to the head moment I am talking about.

32 years old at the time, and I had given up. And let me tell you, I was horrified by that moment. That's a pretty scary thing to realize about yourself at such a young age, when you're supposed to be doing so much more than living your life in fear of success. In that moment I knew that I wasn't living the life I wanted to live. And I definitely wasn't living and experiencing the life I so often tried to inspire and push others to live.

Fast forward to 9 months later, and I am still learning, growing, adapting, changing and truly living my life. I see the world through different eyes when I am biking around the city, I am filled with pride when I accomplish a goal I set for myself, and I am soaking up knowledge and inspiration from innumerable resources and my growing circle of inspirational friends who love me just as I am.

I have lost 75lbs to date, and will continue working on myself for as long as it takes. The secret? Move more. Eat less. And everything in moderation. Who knew that that's all it would take!?!

So there you have it. That was the moment when I reached inside myself and turned on the light. And I believe that in order to achieve any goal we set for ourselves, we all have to do that from time to time. Hold up the mirror to yourself - do you like who you are? do you like what you see? What's holding you back from living your best life? Is it weight? a string of failed relationships? troubles with your parents? your spouse? drugs? alcohol? If something is holding you back, examine it, move through it, or change it, and then let it go.

Are you living your best life and experiencing all the awesome things that life has to offer?

I am. And I hope that you are too. Be patient and kind to yourself. And of course, have an awesome day!

All The Single Ladies....

Recently on Facebook, a friend in Newfoundland invited me to join a group - "Absolutely Fabulous People Who Are Single For No Good Reason".

I didn't join.

I don't know that there is one single 'reason' for me being single, as much as it is a conscious choice I have made for myself at this time. I have stuff to do....and I am not done yet.

Oh, I could be in a relationship, if I wanted to settle for someone who is jobless, or who didn't want the same things I want, or who really just needed to have any ol' warm body beside them, or perhaps someone who is mildly to seriously insane..oh wait! Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt!

At this time in my life I am choosing to wait for the person I have been looking for, who has been looking for someone like me.

I know what qualities he has, but I don't know what his face looks like, or how tall he is, or whether he has curly or straight hair, or if he is bald. I don't know how he dresses, what his bank balance looks like, or what kind of car he drives. And as I get older, those things have lost all their meaning to me anyways. I recently took the advice of Her Holiness - Who's that, you ask? Oprah, of course! - and made myself a "Love List", which doesn't contain a single 'shallow' quality.

And so now I just do my own thing...hang out...nurture great existing and new friendships...have LOTS of fun...work on me...and wait patiently.

No pushing, shoving, begging or demanding for it.

I just wait with eyes wide open. You know, in case I bang in to him at the gas station, in the hallway at work, or maybe in the Erotica section at my local bookstore someday... ;)

I hear single people complain ALL. The. Time. about being single. Really?!? I mean, aren't there better things to do with your time and your energy? And if you're so focused on finding someone else to fill that space, don't you think it's possible that you're missing out on some really beautiful moments in this life?

In my humble opinion, when you become totally focused on finding a boyfriend/girlfriend, you're missing out on the best parts of life! The journey! And I also think that it means you may not be truly ready to let that person into your life when he or she does show up...

And one last thought.... being single right now sure beats having an online profile where the men seem to consistently write and ask me to spank them....

Have a great day everyone! Enjoy the moments, and choose positive over negative.