I am slowly going crazy. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 switch.

There seems to be something I am seriously struggling with lately... I am finding that it is really starting to affect me, bring me down a little bit, and possibly even be stalling me from going further on this journey. Yep, that's how I feel.

I am specifically writing about my inability to see myself the way others are apparently seeing me.

I truly and honestly have absolutely no idea what I look like. The best way for me to explain this to you, is by saying this: Yes, I can look at these 2 photos taken just over 1 year apart, and I can see that there is a difference in my size, my shape, and my face. But in my head, I still look the way I do in that old picture.

If you were to line up 20 women ranging in sizes from small, to medium, to large and extra large, and you asked me to fit myself in where I believe that I belonged? I would squish myself in towards the larger end of that line-up.

It is starting to drive me out of my mind. I was feeling pretty good for awhile...but lately? I feel self-conscious, and unsure. I also wonder why I really care at all what I look like or how others see me.

The whole purpose of me losing weight was to live a better and healthier life, and I am doing that. However, somewhere late in the game - maybe the past 2 months - image has started to play a role as well. I wish it wasn't, but this is apparently quite normal.

I had a beautiful co-worker of mine sit me down last week because something I had said to her had got her thinking that I was struggling in this exact place - a place that she herself had struggled in the past. This is a woman who I strive to someday look like, be her size. Thing is, I don't think I'll know when I get there - not without some help.

She had some pretty amazing things to say, and gave me some profound advice and even a few tips of things I could do to get through this block.
R.K. suggested that I go out with a trusted friend and have them do a few comparisons to show me where I fit in. We could relax on a patio somewhere, watch people go by, and my friend could point out other women and show me who I am bigger than and who I am smaller than. R.K. figures I would be pretty shocked by the analysis...I am sure I would be.

She also suggested having some friends write down for me what they see when they look at me, and compare that list against my own.

I believe that when people look at me, and get to know me, they would likely say they see (in pretty much this order):
My weight/size

My mid-section

My height

My hips and butt

My eyes

My positive energy
My smile

My hair
My laugh

And now that I have typed that out, all honest n' stuff, I can see that I have listed them from negative to positive. Funny, because I am always and forever telling people that I love that I wish they could see themselves the way that I see them. And when I look at people? I always go positive first, and rarely ever see anything else.

What the hell is that anyways? Why do we torture ourselves with this brutal internal banter?

Granted, I don't do it all the time, and I have definitely found that as I shed pounds this past year, I banished some old negative voices and thoughts in my head - thank Christ for that! And I really was feeling pretty great for awhile. It's just this past few weeks that I feel stuck here, feeling my way around this place I have never been before.

I am more than open to any and all advice at this point, and I will likely be going to see my trusty therapist in the next few weeks to hammer this out with her as well.

Right now though, I just needed to get it out of my system. And maybe take a step way outside my comfort zone and ask for some help....before my friends end up having to visit me in the Royal Ottawa Hospital.

Anyone wanna go out for a drink with me and people watch? Pretty please and thank you very much.

I hope that your day is awesome!

If the safety harness fits....

On an old blog post, I wrote out my checklist of things to do this summer...

A quick update, I went to Ottawa's Super Ex 2x this week. Wednesday, I made the mistake of eating, and then attempting a couple of rides. Needless to say, my sandwich was yummy going down, but I didn't want to see it coming back up again, so I had to stop after the Tilt-A-Hurl.

Today however, I made sure it had been a number of hours between food and flight so that I was better able to enjoy myself and spend time with some of my very favourite little people.

Technically, these weren't real roller coasters, but I am thrilled that I freaking fit on the rides at all. No squished butt cheeks and hips, no crushed boobs waiting to explode from the g-force. I freaking fit! And good God does the world ever look different when you're hanging like a bat suspended upside down, or when you've been sent 60 feet up, only to hurtle your way back down to earth again when the ride lets go.

I also slept in a tent last night - first time in about 12 years, I figure. I refused to sleep alone because I am a wimp, and I just really needed some company, so my girlfriend ditched her husband for some giggles and cuddles with me, thank God.

And we can continue to check more things off that list....

I have successfully trained for the the upcoming 5km Army Run on September 19th, which I am fully able to do now in 3.5 sets of 10 minute runs and 1 minute walks. And as you know, I completed the 80 km bike ride in early August.

Summer of change? Summer of brave. Almost the same thing, really...

Hope you're having an awesome day!

Flirting. It does the body good.

I have taken a very conscious break from dating this past year. Although, now that I have written that, it also occurs to me that men haven't exactly been lined up at the door. So either I took a break from men, or they have taken a break from me - not sure which is more accurate. Maybe it's both.

In any case, I have definitely felt that getting emotionally involved with someone while I was so focused on my own path to betterment might have been too big a distraction...so I have avoided dating. Sort of like new members of 'AA' are instructed to do, I guess.

Any account or profiles I may have had online, have long since been deleted. Just as well anyways - I was continually getting requests from men to put them over my knee and paddle their arses. Wtf!?!

My bio hardly screamed dominatrix, but the content of the emails I was getting?!? You would have thought my profile was listed on some sort of "letmespankyou.com" website, instead of Plenty of Fish or Match.com. (Hmmmmm…maybe I will post an old profile here someday and open it up for constructive criticism...another blog post for another day.)

And so, I haven't been on an honest-to-goodness date in well over a year. The kind of date where I get to wear a dress, get dolled up with hair and make up, hopefully get told I am pretty, get picked up, and maybe even danced and twirled around a little bit.
(side note: even the strong independent girls want to be twirled around sometimes)

I think that there is the chance that I would go on more dates if I was better able to pick up on the clues that a man is attracted to me, or that he is flirting. Sadly, this whole concept is mostly lost on me - kind of foreign, really.
I feel like it is because it’s a new world for me now – having lost a drastic amount of weight, and not being used to some of the comments I seem to get lately. I have absolutely no idea what to do with “you’re sexy” or “hot”. Not when I have always only ever heard “You have such a pretty face”.
My girlfriends have a different theory. They tease me quite a bit about how 'dumb' I am when it comes to men who might be flirting with me or showing that they are attracted to me. They say that I am clueless, and truly have no concept of how to read a man's signals or body language. I used to disagree with my friends, but in reality? Who am I kidding? A man would literally have to spell it out for me like I am 5 in order for me to get it. And while I hate to admit it, maybe my girlfriends have a point here.

I have no issues flirting with men, I really just have no idea if they are flirting with me in return. I take all sexual innuendos directed my way with a grain of salt, and all possible flirtatious moves as them just being nice. I am shy and sometimes embarrassed about any compliments I might get, I don't consciously seek the attention of men, and I really and truly have absolutely no idea if a man is expressing an interest in me, or simply making polite conversation.

I would like to think that this makes me humble. Possibly dim, but I prefer to think of it as humility.

I strongly believe that flirting and ego stroking are two-way feel-good interactions. We all need to flirt more; smile and wink at each other more. It makes the giver as well as the receiver feel good and puts a little extra skip in your step.

Even people who are already married need to be winked at, and flirted with. When is the last time you met a longtime married couple who legitimately flirted with each other!?!
So flirt with them too - but stop at the flirting, unless you have permission for more. (another blog topic maybe?) Married folks need to be reminded that they are sexual, attractive and desired by others, as well.

Giving someone a sly smile, very obviously checking them out with that sexy look of attraction and approval, batting the eyelashes, crinkling of the nose, and a coy shrug of your shoulders – all usually done on a subconscious level - all a part of flirting. Granted, some of us are more shameless about it than others. I know I sometimes am. *wink. wink.*

I can feel myself slowly coming out of hibernation lately, though. And I am starting to think about how nice it would feel to actually date again. I can feel that I am more ready for it now than I was 1-2 years ago. Or ever before, really.

I have shed my old skin, made new discoveries about myself, let go of old beliefs and baggage, and I know that I am on the right path. I just have to choose wisely going forward, so that whomever I date is also on the same (or similar) path as I am. Taking a break has provided me with immeasurable and invaluable knowledge, security and strength. Taking a break from getting emotionally involved, has taught me more than I could ever really write and sum up in a blog post.

I never stopped flirting, I just took a break from dating.

And it did me a world of good.

I hope someone winks at you today.
And that it helps make your day awesome!

Swimming the moat...

I just went to see Eat Pray Love for the 2nd time, and I emphatically believe in the following quote from the movie:


"...I've come to believe that there exists in the Universe something I call "The Physics of The Quest" - a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house, to bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all - to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself...then truth will not be withheld from you." Or so I've come to believe."
For me, it perfectly sums up the past few years of my life, and it fully encompasses the past year, specifically. I have come to believe that there are lessons to be learned in almost every situation, that everyone comes into your life for a reason, and that sometimes even the villains are the biggest teachers.


It simply means that you have to be open to the lesson, and you have to be willing to accept it, and grow from it.


I also believe that if you swim across the moat to get to the castle, or walk across the hot coals to get to the other side, you will not only find truth, you will also find peace. and. love.


Let me be more specific - you will find deep internal peace and love. Not the kind of peace and love that comes from external sources, or other people. It will fill you up, sustain you, and best of all? It will reside within you.


Swimming across the moat means that you will likely have some hard work to do. Figuring out the reasons why you feel lost or sad, or maybe why you are turning to alcohol, drugs, or sex; or in my case the reasons why I had always turned to food and continually found myself in co-dependant relationships - isn't always a pretty journey, and it definitely isn't always comfortable or easy, but it is worth it.


Embracing and then letting go of old hurts and limiting beliefs about yourself, will free you to keep on going towards something better.
Requiring more for yourself than what is easy, comfortable, familiar, convenient, and seemingly obligatory, will free you up to live your very best and most fulfilling kind of life.


At least, that's what I believe. And not just for myself. I believe it for you too...


Today, I send you light and love as well as wish you an awesome day!

Strong. Calm. Grateful.

I did it! Finally! After many many years of thinking about it, I finally went and got a tattoo.
The symbols mean:
Strong. Calm/Peace. Grateful/Thankful.

Every day, I try as hard as I can, to practice being all 3 of those things.

The one that comes easiest to me, is gratitude. I find it very easy to wake up every day, and be thankful for everything and everyone I have in my life. It's rather simple, really. I am thankful that I can walk, talk, see, hear, breathe. I am humbled and incredibly thankful for the mini homemade family I have created, and continue to expand around me - best people on the planet, I tell ya! I try to share my feelings with my friends as often as I can - but I often get made fun of for being mushy. I don't care. I am who I am. If I love you, I am going to tell you that I love you. I am also going to hug you, kiss you, touch you, possibly cuddle you if you're okay with that, and I will give of myself and my time when I am able to so that you never doubt how important you are to me.

I still struggle with being strong sometimes, and at the same time, I struggle with being weak. It can be so hard to keep all balls juggled in the air, taking care of myself and my needs, as well as being there for the people around me who I love. So I simply try to do the best that I can.
When I start to feel myself getting exhausted, I take a wee break, step back for a bit to rejuvenate, and then I put one foot in front of the other and keep truckin' and jugglin' and movin'.
What I find hard, is having the strength to really trust and open up and allow myself to be weak, or seen as weak, with other people - men specifically. I have been taking care of myself for a very very long time. So to just let go, let them see me cry, allow myself to be vulnerable, or really share my deep dark skeletons - that's freaking hard! So I will practice.

And the last one. Calm. Peace. I strive for peace in my daily life all the time. I have no room in my little life for negativity, chaotic noise, drama and nonsense. I want positive energy around me, and I will continue to clean closets in the figurative sense until I am done. I want to turn negatives into positives. And I really only want to put positive energy out.
Yes, there are times when I absolutely want to lose my mind and unleash on someone, but I hardly think that's fair. People grate on each others nerves all the time, it's what we do. I am sure I drive many people slightly over the edge on a daily basis, and I am okay with that - they're driving me crazy too. We're human, after all...

In the practice of being calm, I like to think of it this way: On the outside I am calm, cool, collected. I appear to be handling all of this very well, and I am keeping my temper, my emotions and my reactions in check. We will both walk away from this relatively unscathed.... but in my head?!?! I have kicked you in the face 18 times already today. ;)

There is a certain strength that comes from being able to stay calm. And for that, I am grateful.

I hope you have an awesome day!

Like wildfire...

Until recently, I hadn't shared the link to my blog with many people. I will be generous and say that I had given it to 10 - 12 people. It just wasn't something I boasted about, or did for any recognition, or that I wanted to throw in to conversations at random; "Hey! I have a blog! You should read it!"

I started writing here because it felt freeing and therapeutic to get some stuff out of my system, and to vent about it, or just to feel like I was sharing it with the world - even if nobody read it at all.

The night of my Pants Burning Party, I wanted to give back to everyone who had given so freely of themselves to me. And so I did grab bags filled with the things and information that had helped me throughout this past year. I included articles and quotes that had resonated with me, granola bars, fruit bars, Subway gift cards, Dairy Milk 100 calorie bars, and here is the list of resources and the thank you that I also included in the bag for you to browse:
Sites:www.sparkpeople.com

www.jillianmichaels.com

http://caloriecount.about.com/

http://www.go2holistichealth.com/home - My trainers website
http://www.rebecandkroes.com/main.php - Where I got my new bike
http://1qtnewf.blogspot.com/

http://www.wellnesswithmoira.com/ - Life Coach
http://www.adleriancentre.com/ - Cathy Lumsden - THERAPIST EXTRAORDINAIRE

Spots:
Weight Watchers
Subway
Goodlife Fitness

Movies:
Food Inc
Supersize Me

Books:
Eat Pray Love
Women Food & God
Fast Food Nation

Magazines:
Women’s Health

Gadgets:
Body Bugg
Garmin Forerunner 350
And:
A weekly treat of shawarma
The Biggest Loser television show
Skinny Cow ice cream treats

And I couldn't have done this without YOU. Every single person who was listed on that invitation helped me in some way, shape or form to push myself, and keep me going. I am humbled and incredibly grateful to have friends like you in my life. You have inspired, pushed, educated and motivated me in ways that you may never fully understand. My sole purpose of hosting this evening was to thank you all for being there for me, and I can only ever hope to be as good a friend to you, as you have been to me.
Heaps of love,
Jenn
Since sharing the link to my blog in my Thank You Grab Bags, it would seem that word has spread like wildfire throughout my office of 600 people. I have been stopped in the hallway, received a number of emails, and have even received a congratulatory card or two. People I don't even know very well are taking the time to wish me well, and egg me forward on this journey. One person has even joked that if I continue on this journey, I will be crowned Miss. Costco at the company Christmas Party this year - too hilarious, yet awfully flattering.

I just think it's really cute, and super funny how quickly this got around the office... although the numbers have been a bit inflated through the proverbial grapevine. Someone heard that I had lost 107 lbs in a year, another heard 105.

I believe that support for whatever someone is going through, in all it's forms, from anyone and everyone, is one surefire way to ensure success.
The more positive energy you can gather around you, the better off and more succesful you will be. And I have made it my mission these past few years to really only cultivate and nurture relationships with the very best and most positive people I can find, and that has made all the difference.

I hope that you have an awesome day!
xoxox
~J

Cleaning Closets...

The term "cleaning closets" can be metaphorical, or literal, and has many meanings to many different people.

I am blogging about the literal sense this time. Throughout my journey this past year, I have taken the advice of all the weight loss sites, and Dr. Oz himself, and gotten rid of all my old clothes. I believe I have given away almost 6 garbage bags full of clothes to this point.

To keep your old 'fat' clothes, is to subconsciously give yourself permission to go back to that old version of yourself. Which is something I have worked too hard to move away from to ever go back to.

The only things I have kept are my original jeans, a couple of shirts, and the jeans I tossed into the fire on Friday the 13th of August 2010 when I hosted my Pants Burning Party.

The guest list was incredibly exclusive - I really limited it to only the people who have motivated, educated, pushed and supported me this past year. I even included one or two who didn't entirely embody that list of criteria, but whose negative or joking comments I chose to turn into positive motivation and figured I would include them on the list because whether intentional or inadvertently, these people were teachers to me.

I am still sometimes shy to talk about my journey, and it certainly isn't something I bring up first in conversation, or that I lay on the table when I meet new people. "Hi. Nice to meet you. Did you know that I just lost 100 pounds?" I mean really, how lame is that!?!

I am still sometimes embarrassed that I even had 100+ pounds to lose at all to be totally honest.
However, it was very important to me that I thank the people who surround me, and so I hosted a bbq this weekend. It was the most perfect day. The sun was shining, but it wasn't too hot, and I was all gussied up in a pretty dress. I also (in true Jennifer style), had back-to-back appointments to keep me busy all day.
Doctor at 8:30, personal trainer at 9:00, hair at 11:00, lunch at 1:00, pedicures at 2:30... All in preparation to be something I am not terribly comfortable with - the absolute centre of attention. If only for a few moments.

It was a great turn out, with just over 30 people here in person, but another 15-20 here with me in spirit. And just after 9pm, my friend TPZ loaded the iPod with Steam's Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye), and blared the tune while I mock-danced through my friends with my old jeans in hand, and tossed them into the fire pit to watch those suckers burn to ash.

It felt absolutely fantastic. Everyone clapped, sang along, cheered me on, and the positive energy was palpable. I live for moments like this. Moments when you can feel the energy, feel the love, and the moment is being truly enjoyed by everyone. They happen all the time, you just have to be open to feeling them.
Watching the pants burn, I was egged on to make a speech, and I don't fully recall what I said, but it went a little something like this: I invited you all here tonight so that I could thank you for taking the time, sharing your knowledge, supporting me, and loving me anyways. I am not quite sure how or why, but I have always said that I am truly the luckiest girl alive, surrounded by the greatest people on the planet. I am never ever going back to being that old version of me, and I will forever be humbled to have each of you in my life.

At least, that's pretty much what I think I said.
It's certainly what I meant.
Throw in some tears and dirty dinner napkins to wipe away my tears, and you get the gist.

The bottom line is this: You can't keep your fat clothes. And you have to say thank you to the people who love and support you. To anyone out there who is serious about making changes in their lives, you have to commit, and you have to clean out your closet. Throw those old pants into the fire, or dig a hole and bury the suckers. But whatever you do, don't keep the pants. I'll say it again, folks. Clean your freaking closet.

I wish you a cleansing, empowering, loving and awesome day!

Weight Loss. 1.0.1

I have taken the last 2 days to process and fully digest this news, and now I am ready to write it out.

When I started out on this journey, I wasn't sure I would ever hit 100lbs. And I definitely didn't think I would do it in 1 year.
I was so full of self-doubt, and so unsure of my abilities, and so unsure of what to expect along the way. I just never imagined me here. To add to the negative voices in my own head, I had a small handful of people tell me that I likely wouldn't achieve this big goal, or that I would never be the same size as so-and-so, I would never be able to shop in such-and-such a store, etc....
I struggled a great deal with those comments, but I chose to turn them around and use them as motivation. Those comments pushed me to work harder and keep going, even if they were negative and borderline unkind.

And even when I had lost 70lbs, 75lbs, 85lbs... I felt so close, and yet so far from 100 lbs.

I wanted it so badly. An arbitrary goal, really - 100 in 1 year - but I wanted it. To be able to say that I had done it, and that I did it in a healthy and natural way suddenly became very important to me. And I have had to work very hard these past 3-4 weeks to reach this goal.
I have turned down yummy poutine lunches with friends, I have gone to Boyz Night and had only water, I have gone running instead of to the movies, I have gone biking instead of take care of my home, and I have weighed, measured, and counted just about every single thing I have eaten.

And so on Thursday August 12th, I went to Weight Watchers for my one year anniversary weigh-in. I knew what my home scale had said that morning, and for the 2 days prior to this weigh-in....but I was nervous as hell. What if their scale is off? What if it isn't level on the floor? What if the lunch I ate was too heavy? What if it shows 99lbs and not 100!?!? Then what would I do?! Would I be okay with that? To be honest, I would have been a bit pissed... Yes, 99lbs is something to be incredibly proud of, but it sure as shit isn't 100.

I got on the scale and it showed a loss. A big loss. 7.5lbs this last week!!! And I knew I had hit the 100lb mark. Even better!!! The lady behind the counter did the math (never was my strong suit anyways), and it was 101. One Hundred And One Pounds. In. One. Year.

I got hugs, and I got kleenex - because the tears started flowing....and to be perfectly honest, they haven't really stopped since. I am still letting this sink slowly in.

I am overwhelmed, and I am humbled. I am proud, and I am shocked. I am grateful, and I am over-the-freaking-moon happy.
My many close friends have been amazing these past few days - we have had lunch dates, pedicure dates, a Pants Burning Party (to be blogged about maybe tomorrow) and some have just held me for awhile so I could cry, and Just. Breathe.

I. Did. It. And I am never going back.
As my darling friend Sher said to me: "People who bike to Richmond don't go back."
And as I said to my handsome friend, I.R.R. "There is no. going. back."

And I swear to you, this smile couldn't be kicked off my face.

I hope that you have a truly awesome day!

I am a doer. Not a sayer.

I received this quote today, and it absolutely perfectly sums up how I have always felt. And even better, it perfectly sums up how I feel lately - ecstatic, happy, fulfilled, proud, alive... just to name a few. It really is like I just discovered a small fortune for myself!

"I've gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat."
-John Mills

While I don't necessarily understand why, I do know that I have always been the type of person who will hold up the proverbial mirror to the people I truly love and care about. I will challenge them to live their best lives, realize their truest potential, and examine themselves deeply to get past any barriers that are holding them back from living their best possible lives.
Why are they in the relationships that they are? How did they get to this place? Why do they turn to alcohol/sex/drugs/material things/food to fill a void? or to avoid boredom? What else can they be doing with their lives to ensure that they are truly happy, as opposed to just coasting through life, asleep behind the wheel?
I ask them the hard questions because I love them too much not to.

Thing is, I have never done these same things for myself prior to this past year. I have never dug this deep, believed in my own potential, believed in myself, believed in my ability to accomplish much and loved myself enough to hold up that same mirror.
Hmmmmm....that all sounds kinda sad, now that I have typed it out. But since I am practicing being brave and honest, I have to stick to it and leave it out there for all to see... so be it.

So this past weekend, when I started - AND FINISHED!!! - my 80km bike ride to Kemptville in less time than I had set out to do it in, I think I finally started to realize my own power, and I uncovered my own fortune - just like the quote above.

I am just now, after losing almost 100lbs, after changing my life, after apparently inspiring others to make changes in their lives, and after finishing that epic long ride - I am just now able to say that I am proud of myself.

I did that ride with a good friend of mine, who is as inspirational to me, as I have been to her. She is in her mid-40's, and had never done anything like this before. So we promised each other that we would train together, and push each other through to the finish line.
When we crossed the START line at 8:10 on Saturday morning, we got stuck behind some slow riders for the first 7km...and by the time we got to 12km, we had spread out on our own, and were traveling at a pace we felt comfortable. We skipped the first rest stop, and only stopped at 31km for some kisses and hugs from my friends who met us there to cheer us on.
By this point, we were making our way out to wide open spaces, and some serious wind. It's great when it's at your back, but when you're riding face into it, and your pretty Coach sunglasses aren't helping to keep the tears from perpetually building up, that wind is a bit of a bitch.

As we rode along, taking in the sights and the smells - you think driving past a cow farm is yucky!? Try biking past one! We were having a good time, playing leap frog - sometimes Dee was ahead of me and leading the pace, and sometimes I jumped ahead of her and lead the pace. My underwear were continually creeping up where they don't belong, so I would look over my shoulder to make sure I had no audience, and pull them out again for maximum comfort.
Sidenote: What are the rules about underpants while cycling? Wear 'em? Don't wear 'em?

We stopped at the lunch area at about the 60th km, but didn't eat - by this time, my full blown competitive side had kicked in, and I was determined to get us across that finish line in less than 4.5 hours. So we grabbed water, stretched, and hit the road again.
It should be noted here that I texted, took pictures, and uploaded a few things to Facebook along the way - something that greatly amused Dee... she couldn't stop laughing at me - but I had to keep my friends near and far updated!

And then we found ourselves at the 70km mark. To that day, 70km is the most I had ever ridden my bike for, and now here I am going for 80. My thighs started to burn at about the 72nd km. We could have stopped at the last rest stop, but I told Dee "Frig that! We are too close to stop now! We'll pee when we get there! We'll stretch when we get there! We'll ice our knees and arses when we get there!"

So we kept on going. And I swear to you, that last 8km felt longer than the first 20. Each corner we came around, we thought for sure we would see the finish line. Nope. Keep going. Up a hill. Finish line? Nope. Keep going. Around another freaking corner. Finish line? NO!

I called out to Dee something along the lines of "Ahhhhhhhh!!! Burning thighs of glory!!! It hurts!!!" She absolutely howled with laughter, which helped, because what else are you going to do at that point? Give up? Repeat after me folks: FRIG THAT.

We finally saw my darling friend Sher, from Newfoundland. She was there, ready and waiting with camera in hand. And then we saw my darling friend Kris, who had dragged her husband and kids out to watch me cross the finish line as well. I want to thank all my cheerleaders - those who were there in person and there in spirit as well! Honestly, I cannot imagine having done this without you...

It was incredible. We checked our watches - finished in 4 hours and 16 minutes. Start, breaks, and finished in just over 4 hours. We crossed the finish line, hopped off our bikes, pulled our underpants back to their own starting positions, and celebrated with friends.

I did it folks!!! Ya-Freaking-Hoo! I. Did. It.

I hope that you have at least one moment like that in your life.
And of course, that you are having an absolutely awesome day!

Melancholy is incompatible with bicycling. ~James E. Starrs

Good God, I have an awful lot on my little plate of life these days... I am feeling stressed, anxious, and seriously lacking in time these days.

There really aren't enough hours in the day....

I have decided to sell my house. It was a hard decision to come to, since I am so madly in love with my shack, but it has to be done. Owning a home with a freaking yard that needs lots of love simply does not suit my lifestyle anymore.
I am carefree, and I need to live carefree. Condo living, here I come!

I am also gearing up for the MS Rona Ride to Kemptville this Saturday - 80kms on my fancy new bike = yahoo! I remember when one of my employees quite literally started to harrass me to sign up for this ride, and I refused stating "there is no way that *I* can ride 80 kilometres!"
Well, I rode 50, and didn't die. So I tried 60, and then 70... and I lived to tell the tale. So I practiced being brave and I signed up for the 80km ride to Kemptville this coming Saturday.

I actually drove 95% of the course last night. Frig! It's FAR! Going 80km in one direction feels a whole lot further than doing 35 one way, and then doubling back to make it a solid 70. Christ on crutches! What was I thinking!?

But then my logic takes over, and I realize that I can do this. And I can do it well, too...
I aim to finish in less than 4.5 hours, including a couple of wee breaks - not to be confused with pee breaks - along the way. Not to worry, I will be posting pictures later, so that you can share in the glory with me.

I have some spectacular and amazing friends who are going to cheer me on along the route, and some others who have pledged to be at the finish line, ready to catch me when I sail across all jello legged and HUNGRY. ;)

I am beyond excited to do this! A year ago I could barely ride 4km, and look at me now!

If you have ever doubted your abilities, if you are struggling with your own weight loss journey, or your own health, or even your limiting beliefs that you couldn't ever do this, too....
Let me tell you, if I can do this! YOU can do this!

Baby steps...and determination...and believe in yourself.

And have, as always, an awesome day!