I know where I went wrong...

I have been giving a lot of thought to all of the things that have contributed to my recent slip in this weight loss journey. There are a number of them, so here is the numbered list, in no specific order.


1. I stopped tracking my food. Over the last 2 years, I have used a few different websites, as well as the old fashioned pen and paper, but I gave up tracking altogether months ago, and only picked it up again last week thanks to myfitnesspal.com - which ROCKS! Thank you for your support, Anne.
Dear self, If you bite it, you write it!


2. In the time that I had given up tracking my food and counting calories, I had taken up eating mixed nuts. Mixed nuts with M&M's in them. 1-2 handfuls almost everyday. Well guess what!?! I measured them out the other day, added them to my daily food tracking on myfitnesspal.com and discovered that they were just over 500 calories! I ate 2 nuts and then gave the rest away.
Dear self, lay off the frigging nuts.


3. It is no secret that I have spent the last 6 months falling in love with my best friend. It is also no secret that I am a girl with many issues. Not least of which are fear of letting people in and eating too much food. Or moreover, how to deal with fear, stress, loneliness, and letting someone get close to me without food as my comfort blanket. I really did do a great job of FEELING my way through him breaking down my walls, but I also ATE part of that process because I was scared to let him too close. I do get a Thumbs up! though, because I only ate my way through....let's say 25-30% of the feelings, where it would have been 100% 2.5 years ago.
Dear self, It may have been scary, but you are past that now. Be strong. Go forward. Let him love you. And love him back. P.S. You can talk to him about this stuff. He believes in you.


4. I stopped focusing on cardio as much as I should. Walking 4-5 km isn't enough of a calorie burn for me anymore. Walking 10km is. Running is not part of the plan for now because of my knees, but I will run again. I am sure of it. Meantime? Elliptical, bike, walk and the occasional swim are my cardio best friends.
Dear self, Focus on what you CAN do, not what you CANNOT change. Your knees hurt? Get your ass on the elliptical.

5. I kind of ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. Now, that never once meant diving in to a whole bag of chips, or a whole medium pizza. But it does mean that I did eat chips, and wings, and pizza. And they stopped being occasional "treats".
Dear self, You are allowed to have treats, but you have to earn them, and you don't get them multiple times per week. Aim for a calorie deficit daily. You will get there, and you can still live life, and enjoy the foods you love. In moderation.


6. I traveled a fair bit. I spent every single weekend in the summer road tripping all over hells half acre. I went home to Newfoundland for a week, I went to Florida for a week, and I went to Dominican for an all-inclusive week. None of which were done with much moderation on my part. Fail.
Dear self, You are allowed to go on holidays, but you are not allowed to eat like you have never seen food before. At the very least, walk some more to balance it out.


The bottom line is that I got complacent, and even felt deserving of a break. Since August of 2009, the number on the scale, and the food put in my mouth has consumed my every waking moment. I counted, I tracked, I worked out, I said 'no' a whole lot more than I said 'yes', and I got tired. Maybe I needed a break from the tedious task of keeping myself on track. And maybe I even deserved a break. Christ knows we all do sometimes.


Call it a mistake, call it a break, call it whatever you want...but I'm not done yet. I am reincorporating all the tricks that worked so well for me before, and I already feel 100x better for it.


At the end of the day, I owe it to myself. I am worth the effort.


I hope that your day is pure awesome!
xoxox
~J