Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Navigating Unchartered Territory...
This is my first time dating someone who is amicably divorced.
This is his first time being divorced.
This is also his first healthy relationship since the split.
This is her first experience with divorce, as well.
Undoubtedly there will be some speed bumps to maneuver over, and we will need to create new rules and boundaries along the way as circumstances change and we navigate into new territory together...but ultimately apart.
I have some experience with this, as I was the new-chick-on-the-block once before. In some ways, it was easier to know my place and my role in that relationship because they had already sussed out the boundaries, and made great strides to move forward with their own lives and away from each other. They had both experienced new relationships, and created their own homemade families with new friends and partners. The expectations were clearly defined, and the communication was logical and concise - not swayed by the desire to greatly care for the other persons emotional well-being anymore.
Side note: We really only have control over how we react to a situation, not how anyone else will react anyways.
In an effort to redefine what the standards are for divorced couples, my guy and his ex are committed to being amicable and civil. As am I. Without a doubt. It is unquestionably in the best interests of their son to be friendly and even social on occasion with each other... understanding that in time, things will change, schedules will fluctuate, healing will continue, personal growth will occur, family events will happen, and we will remain unique individuals.
I figure we are bound to make mistakes along the way though... Which is okay I suppose, as long as we can work through it and come out the other side no worse for wear....
One thing I can say for sure, the 3 of us are genuinely nice people...hopefully being considerately aware of each others space and feelings, while each trying to figure out where we fit in this equation. Nobody wants to upset or hurt anyone else. And neither of us want anything to have a negative effect on their gorgeous 8-year old son.
It isn't always easy, and the harmonious road less-travelled by divorcees isn't for everyone, but the end goal for us is to live peacefully, happily, amicably.....separately.
Of course, these are just my observations as the new kid in town...
I hope that you are having an awesome day!