Talk is cheap....

I believe this statement to be 100% true: Actions speak louder than words. Always.

So, if a guys says he is going to ask me out, but then he never actually asks me out? Actions speak louder than words, and the interpretation of this is that he never really wanted to go out in the first place.

I just found this blog posted on the interweb, and I believe wholeheartedly in the last statement - which has been underlined so as not to be confused with any other statement made here:

“Guys should chase after girls, not the other way around. Yes, you could argue that men like to be hit on, but showing interest vs. fawning over a man like a puppy dog to a cheese biscuit has never been deemed cute.


It’s not that I believe we’re in the 1950s or anything (although sometimes I swear I wish it could be like it was back then…) but I firmly believe that if a guy likes you, he will be with you. It is that easy.


There won’t be mixed signals, there won’t be excuses (trust me, girls, EVERYONE has heard the “well, maybe he’s shy,” “he just got over a break-up,” “maybe he’s scared to commit,” “he wants to take things slow,” “[insert another stereotypical excuse here]“). If a guy likes you, he will be with you and no excuse in the planet will get in his way.


Let me repeat that because I want to make sure you all get it: IF A GUY LIKES YOU, HE WILL BE WITH YOU.


We need to stop feeding ourselves excuses. It’s not right. Yes, we can still pine over the guy even if he doesn’t chase after us–but we pine over them in the privacy of our own bedroom, with the two men in our lives who will NEVER let us down, Ben and Jerry.


It’s not that we don’t want to chase after these guys. Of course we want to. Fuck, it hurts that they don’t want to be with us!


BUT if a man can’t recognize how absolutely fabulous I am…well then, that’s a man who is obviously not smart enough to be with me.”

I read it. I like it. I wanted to share it. And so I did.

Enjoy! And have an AWESOME day!
xoxox
~J

Sometimes....

Sometimes how hard, and when I work out, depends on what day of my hair washing schedule it is.

Surely to God, I cannot be the only woman out there who does this!?! Am I???

Today is a hair washing day = a great and sweaty workout.
Before I wash my hair, obviously.

I hope that you are having an AWESOME day!!!
xoxox
~J

The beauty of hindsight...

It's true what they say - hindsight really is 20/20. Everything becomes so clear as you walk away from one thing, and towards something better. Everything gets a little clearer as you continue aging gracefully.
There is no way I would ever want to go back and re-live my teenage years....but let's play a little game shall we? If you could turn back the hands of time...what would you tell your teenage self?

Here's my list:


That "best guy friend" of yours? He is using you. You are his fallback plan. His comfort blanket. And you're falling for it every time. Drop him now and save yourself the next 15 years of yo-yo friendship and hurt feelings.


No amount of Mary Brown's deep fried taters, crispy fried won tons, McDonald's "chicken" nuggets, or potato chips are going to fill the void of not having your father around.


Closet eating isn't calorie free or weight gain free. Just because nobody sees you eat it, doesn't mean you won't gain weight from it.


Don't spend all your spare money on food, or eating out, or paying for friends to join you eating out because you don't want to eat alone.


You really do have everything that you need inside yourself to handle whatever life throws at you. Believe that.


When you start to doubt your own self worth, believe in your heart that you are stronger than you know, smarter than you believe, and worth a helluva a lot more than you think.


When you start to feel ugly, try to see yourself the way others see you. They're not lying.

For the love of God, stop being so stubborn. Pay attention in school, do your frigging homework, and go to University.

You cannot fathom the damage you are doing to your lungs, heart, liver, skin, and emotional stability with every shitty food choice you make. It will take unimaginable hard work to reverse the damage you are doing to yourself.

There are people around you who will help you if you ask them to. Be brave and ask for help when you need it.

You are not alone. You are never alone.

You don't always have to be strong and put up a front for the people around you. The people who genuinely love you, will hold your hand through anything, and you don't have to be strong for them - cherish these friendships.

Do not make out with S.C. It isn't worth risking your friendship with M.F over. No boy ever is. Ever.

While we're at it, don't make out with M.P. either. Just cause.

Figure out what you love to do, and then figure out a way to get people to pay you for doing it.

You will have a lot more free time if you stop washing your hair everyday.

Get better shoes now.

Completely back away from drama. All forms of nonsense, gossip, and back biting. Do not engage, do not repeat what you have heard, and do not get sucked in to the "she said/she said" noise of being a teenage girl in a group of teenage girlfriends. It's not worth it.

Do not underestimate your mothers intelligence. She knows exactly what you're up to. Mothers always do.

Do not tell Mrs. Campbell to "Go eff herself". There are far classier ways to tell a teacher how you feel about the way she spoke about you in class.

Be nicer to your sister. She is the only one you have, and nobody knows where you came from better than she does. You don't believe me now, but there will come a day when she will rise up and share her strength from afar, and it will keep you from falling over.

That's about all I've got for now folks.... Although I will also add here, that all of this advice would have fallen on deaf ears anyways. I've always been one of those special kids who has to learn everything the hard way, as the gift of foresight wasn't bestowed upon me.

Let me also add, that I truly don't regret one single thing because I believe in my heart that every single decision we make brings us to where we are today. And where I am right now? Well, I kinda like this chick and what she represents.

No regrets. Just lessons learned.

Have an AWESOME day!
xoxox
~Jenn

Pet Peeves...

We all have 'em. Those annoying little things in life that really aren't worth sweating over, but they still make us shake our heads and wonder...

~People who occupy the bathroom stall right next to yours, when there are 10 others that are free. What the hell is that about anyways? Same as having a plethora of empty seats on the bus, or in the movie theatre, and you sit right next to me.

~Since we're on public bathrooms - what ever happened to the traditional old "courtesy flush"? You know what I'm talking about here people. Don't act like you don't. Just do it.

~When you ask a friend how their day is going, or how they are lately, and they don't reciprocate and ask you the same in return. Either they're rude, or they just don't care - in which case, why are we friends, then?

~People who are arrogant enough to boast that they can do something better than so-and-so. Maybe that is indeed the case, but these people usually also think that they can do everything better, which is damn near impossible. Get over yourself.


~Lip smacking food eaters. Slap slap, slurp slurp. I can see your food, dude. Stop chewing with your mouth open!

~Irregardless is not a word. Just sayin'.

~Boring Facebook status updates about what you ate for lunch, what your kids ate for lunch, the laundry you're doing, the groceries you just bought, the sniffles that just started...I tend to put those chronic offenders on 'ignore'. 

~Excessive, wasteful and impossible to open plastic packaging that is protecting some small and cheap product.

I'm sure that I could come up with more if I really thought about it long enough... but those are the ones that come to mind right now....

Don't deny that you have 'em too...nobody is that saintly.

Have an AWESOME day!!!
xoxox
~J

I like to write when I'm high....

RUNNERS HIGH, people. Runners high.

1 year ago, I was struggling with doing 10 sets of 2 minute runs and 1 minute walks while trying to learn to run 5km.

This morning I ran 8km in sets of 10 minute runs and 1 minute walks.

That's right. 8km for breakfast bitches.

Shut the front door.

I'll be high all day.

Have an awesome one!
xoxox

~Jenn

P.S. I think I have the guts of about 12 worms on my shoes. I get extra kudo's for running in this wet weather, too. Just sayin'.

Today, I am an Angry Elf.

I woke up angry this morning. I never ever wake up angry or unhappy, or sad. And yet today I woke up a big ol' anger ball.
Since the events of three weeks ago unfolded, I have run the complete gamut of emotions and tried my hardest to understand what and how the hell this even happened.

I have felt angry, sad, unsure, confused, unheard, misunderstood, betrayed.
I have been quiet, on edge, and fearful to trust anyone.
I have questioned whether or not I was thrown under the proverbial bus.
I have wanted to lash out.
I have shown up everyday to work, learned new tasks, and smiled anyways.
I have helped former employees with various issues.
I think I have gained 5 pounds.

Today was my first payday as an hourly employee again. And I am now faced with having to restructure my finances and my life to accommodate the pay cut that was forced upon me by the company for which I have worked for 16 years.

And so today, I am an angry elf. I am ashamed to say that I ate that anger. I wish now that I hadn't, of course. And I wish that my workout with Trainer Mike had been enough of a stress release to keep me from the massive shawarma supper I ate. Oh, and the chocolate bar afterwards. But it wasn't enough. Neither was the hour I spent at the gym yesterday, or the 2 runs I did this week, or the Tuesday session with Mike.

Absolutely nothing has pacified me.

It has taken a few weeks to fully hatch, and today, I let my emotions take me over in the worst possible way. I even had the smarts to consciously question my actions while I was doing it. I kept chewing anyways. *Le sigh*

After all the effing hard work I have done - no emotional stone left unturned - I find myself unable to figure out another way to cope with all that is coming up as a result of this, and so I turned to the old and familiar and I ate it.

I'm not proud. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I am always learning, adapting, growing and changing. I will figure this out, and I will learn how to navigate my way through this, coming out (as I always do) better for it in the end.

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her. ~David Brinkley



Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I pick up, dust off, and keep going.


As I always do.

I hope that you are having an AWESOME day!!!


Heaps of love,
~J

Green Eyed Monster.

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James

The grass is greener...

We all know that what is most important in life is who we are on the inside, and not what we look like on the outside. We all know that there is more to life than painted nails, cute shirts, and flippy fabulous hair. And I'm pretty sure we aren't supposed to talk about how much better life is when you lose weight.... but you know what?

Life IS better when you lose weight. Sorry, but it is.

The latest proof? I went to Montreal this weekend. This cosmopolitan fashion forward city used to leave me feeling like a dirtbag. Essentially I would always feel unworthy of walking the streets in my flat shoes, with my curly natural disaster hair, and what used to be my massive size 24 ass. Ack. Who am I kidding? I was probably a frigging 26 at one point.

Whatever. You get the picture.

In Montreal this past weekend, I spent time with old friends, and new friends. All hilarious, fabulous, gorgeous women with great figures.

Some tall, some small.
Kickin' curves and rail thin.
And the best thing of all?
I feel like I fit right in!
(Yes, I made that rhyme on purpose - as established this weekend, life is too short to be cool)

There were a couple of things I noticed that made this weekend different from road trips in days gone by:
1) I wasn't a nervous wreck about spending time at a bar jammed with people.
2) I didn't fear that anyone 'wouldn't like me', or that I would get the dreaded elevator stare that always made me feel like people were thinking "what is *she* doing here!?!" or "oh, she must be the designated fat friend of the group".
3) I had clothes to choose from! Maybe not Paris Couture, but much cuter than my standard 'weekend uniform'.
4) I wasn't jealous of my beautiful friends.
5) I wasn't insecure around my beautiful friends.
6) I wasn't a cranky pissy pants getting ready to go out.

I just felt like me. Happy, loose, and carefree. (another rhyme yo!)

Yep. My life sure is better now that I've lost weight to go along with my painted nails, cute shirts and fabulous flippy hair. Just. Sayin'.

I hope that you are having an AWESOME day!

xoxox
Love,
Jenn

Because it's NOT a diet...

I suppose there are two ways to read this.... Give up altogether? Or simply give up dieting?

Diets by definition have a start and end date. Lifestyle changes though? They incorporate all aspects of real life - birthday cake, carbohydrates, cheese, pizza, chocolate, emotions, stress, nachos and beer. All in moderation. All dealt with accordingly. No deprivation. No pacifying feelings with food.

Do yourself a favour, and give up the diet. The whole concept of dieting.

"Diets" suck.

Life, on the other hand? Life is amazing!

Hope you're having an AWESOME day!
xoxox
~J

First, you must believe....

2 years ago, had anyone told me that I would someday run 1km, I would not have believed them. I was too fat, too slow, too old, too out of shape, too unmotivated.
2 years ago, had anyone told me that I would someday run 5 km, I would have laughed hysterically and uncomfortably - like I sometimes do when I don't believe.
2 years ago, had anyone told me that I would someday think about signing up for a 10km run, I would have told them to go eff themselves.
2 years ago, had anyone told me that I would someday join the Running Room, and jump from 5km to 7km on a crisp and beautiful Sunday morning, I would have told them to get their heads checked.

I never - NEVER - believed that I could do it.

Until I had to believe that I could do it, in order to get out there and try it.

I may not be the fastest, and I may not be the best...but today I ran 7km. With 100lbs lost, still carrying an extra 50+ lbs around on my 5'10" frame, never having ever run that distance before, I did it today.

You will never know what you can do, until you try to do it.

I am okay with failing. I am NOT okay with not trying. Today, I tried. And today? I did it.

I am laughing and crying as I write this. I am deliriously happy right now. High as a kite. Overcome with a mix of emotions. Proud. Excited. Confident. Happy.

Nobody can take this away from me. And that's why I did it.

I hope that you are having an AWESOME DAY!!!

xoxox
Love,
~J

Who dares, wins.

Oh, I have struggled for over a week with how to write this post. In my need to protect myself still, I will keep it simple. On Thursday, March 24th, I met with upper management and a representative from H.R. only to be told that I was being demoted from my position as call centre supervisor, to an hourly position in buying.

I still have a lot of things going through my head on the matter...but I am truly okay with the change. Within hours of the gauntlet falling, I started making a list of positive things that will come from this...including, but not limited to:
I no longer have to work till 6 pm
No more weekend shifts
No more meetings with H.R.
I don't have to try and be two different people anymore
Consistent schedule
WAY less stress
No drama

At this point, I don't know who to trust in the office - there are a lot of people talking about me, but saying very different things to my face. And I don't know what to say when people approach me to ask questions, express that they miss me or tell me how much they loved working with me. Grain of salt? Yep, I'll take that all with a grain of salt.

What I know now, is that I tried to do my best with what I was given. I asked for help, and direction, and got none. I dared to speak my mind to upper management, and never felt understood. And I dared to stand up for my team, and lost the battle.

I have learned a lot over the past 3 years about myself, people, navigating friendships in the workplace, asking for what you need clearly, and trying to maintain a cool head when in a place of crisis.

It was my ego that took the biggest kick through all of this. But I found a great quote that perfectly summarizes that day for me:  "A bad day for your ego is a great day for your soul." Jillian Michaels



At the end of the day, I had literally been begging the Universe, and my former boss, for consistency and peace. And now I have both.

I dared to try, I learned a lot, and I will keep on going.

I have left a lot of information out here, for the sake of protecting myself, and keeping it short for you... but I am a-okay. Up. Dusted off. Still on track towards becoming my best me.

Have an AWESOME day!
xoxox
~J