Bucket Lists...Updated. Again.

I started this list in late 2008, adding and tweaking things over the past 3 years... You can click here to read my Love List...but you have to pass a series of tests and interviews to get a glimpse of my Dirty List.  ;)

TO DO:

Drive on the Autobahn
Walk the Camino De Santiago
Ride in a hot air balloon
Have a family - including kids, however they come to me.
Travel to Italy, Greece, Portugal and Spain
Experience true love
Go to The Ellen Degeneres Show
Visit the beaches of Thailand - sleep in a hut with flowy white curtains and get a $5 massage
To be able retire by 55 on my own salary
Own, or at least sleep on, a boat
Travel to England, Ireland and Scotland - traipsing around and visiting every damn pub I can find - and eat fish n' chips out of newspaper.
See Oprah live
Visit the Carolina's, New Orleans, and San Francisco
Learn to sing. Well.
Witness a birth.
1 week all inclusive in Jamaica
Take piano lessons
Manifest Jillian Michaels into my life for one day.
Reach my goal weight
Run a half marathon
Cycle around P.E.I.
Spend time with a 9th generation medicine man in Bali
NYC on NYE
Be mortgage free
Take part in a Habitat For Humanity Build
Ride a real roller coaster
Write a book
Drive across Canada
Experience Australia
Try one week as a vegan
Volunteer at a soup kitchen for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas
Camp down in the Grand Canyon
Go parasailing
Eat a Beavertail on the Rideau Canal - Update: DONE and YUMMY!!!
Meet Liz of One-Twenty-Five



DONE:

Meet Ben Davis from http://bendoeslife.tumblr.com/
Attend a pig roast bbq event
Move away from Newfoundland
Own a home by myself
Visit the Grand Canyon
Sponsor a child in a 3rd world country
Lose 100lbs in 1 year
Bike 80km
Meet Jann Arden
Witness a proposal
See some of my fave musical talents in concerts
Live alone
Inspire someone to live a better/happier/healthier life
Make out on a beach by moonlight
Connect with my fathers side of my family
Host a party where I feel totally loved and surrounded by the people I love most
Travel to Vegas
Sit on the ocean floor at Hopewell Rocks
Donate my hair to Locks Of Love

**And I will continue to add to the list and repost it as time goes on...

I hope that you are having an AWESOME day!!!
xoxox
~J

There is a first time for everything...

When I started going to the gym 2 years ago, I went exclusively to gyms that were for women only, or had women only sections. You couldn't have paid me enough to work out in the co-ed section of the gym. My God, there are men out there!!!!
Attending classes was another source of extreme anxiety for me - I'm talking shortness of breath, excessive sweating, teary-eyed anxiety - so I always placed myself at the back, or against the wall, because I just felt safer there... hoping that nobody would see me, judge me, shoot me dirty looks, or the worst? Say something unkind that I could overhear.

The sad, but very true reality, is that people aren't nice to overweight people. They just aren't. It seems to be the last socially acceptable form of discrimination.

Anyways, you should hear me lately...all of the time saying "I've never done that before", "This is new", "That's weird", "There is a first time for everything."

And last week was yet another first. In an ongoing effort to curb my spending, maintain my activity level, and surround myself with people who support me; I quit Goodlife, and joined Fit 4 Less. 


With. Kwesi.

Remember the girl would wouldn't work out in the co-ed section!?!

I, yes! Me! went to the gym WITH a boy man! A boy man that I like. Who likes me back. As I am. A boy man who supports me towards my goals, and encourages me to continue on this journey towards being my best me. Whaaaaaaaaaaaat!?! *pinch, pinch, pinch*

It's weird.
But I like it.
Sometimes it freaks me out though, so I breathe deeply, practice being brave, and frigging do it anyways.

It is definitely better than hiding in the corner hoping to God that nobody sees me.
Doesn't make it any less weird though.

I hope that you are having an awesome day!
xoxox
Jenn

My journey in pictures....

I made this a little while ago, and wasn't sure what I was going to do with it...it was my own video scrapbook, much like this blog is my written therapeutic scrapbook.

I shared it with someone who adores me without ulterior motives, who believes in me, and the general message of the video. He told me to post it. He repeatedly told me that I should post it. So, I sat with that thought for awhile, and have decided to be brave and share it here. Not on Facebook, because I know that some of the people on my friends list would make fun of me...somehow here feels safer. Crazy, and quite likely a false sense of security on my part, but that's just the way I roll.

So, here it is: Click here to view video.

I hope that you have an AWESOME day...
xoxox
Jenn

The disease to please...

Like most women, I have always suffered from the disease to please. Oh, and fix. And now that I think about it, help, make it all better, and do the work for people that they should be doing themselves.

I wonder what the name for that disease is? I  sure as shit know what it feels like - exhaustion, depletion, draining, dramatic, frazzled, and empty. All those years that I spent giving my abundant positive energy to others left me with nothing, nada, zero, zip, zilch for myself.

When you are so busy taking care of others, how are you possibly going to take care of yourself?
I believe it is part of the reason I gained a great portion of the weight that I did. I wanted people to look past the fact that I was "chubby" (before I became really extra fat) and see that I was genuinely nice, likeable, loveable, and worthy. I wanted everyone to like me, and it confused the hell out of me when they didn't. I wanted to give, and please, and fix.

But how do you help an alcoholic friend who will not put the drink down? How do you drop what you're doing to help others, when what you're doing is important for yourself? And how do you fix their problems when they aren't willing to do the work themselves?

Answer: You don't.

Time for a few cliches: You cannot please everyone. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. You absolutely cannot help someone who won't help themselves.

The final straw was that pesky ex-boyfriend I have mentioned so often throughout my posts. (I hate mentioning him at all, but the lessons that came from that time are still amazing to me)
As we were coming to an end, and I was STILL trying in vain to help him, I had one of those brick-to-the-head moments - I will say it again, even though we have heard it many times before: You cannot help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.
It was only when I decided to put myself on my own priority list that I started to feel better and realize my true strength and ability. But because I enjoy sharing my energy, and helping people, I have stuggled for a long time with where to draw the line.

And today, I think I found it.

This morning, I ran a 5km with two amazing new friends from my Running Room clinic. It was the first time that either of them had taken part in a 5km event, and furthermore, it was the first time that they had run a full 5km distance at all.

I was honoured to be there with them, encouraging, pacing, leading the way through the crowd to bring us across the finish line at the 40 minute mark.
My usual self-competitive side didn't matter today. I was more than happy to run alongside two amazing women who wanted to run for their own reasons.
And that's the key. They were doing the work. Each of them has shown up to class, put in the time, trained alongside the rest of the group - they did the work. Not me. I didn't have to email, nag, inquire, or push them out the door.

Today, I discovered that I can give of myself, and still do good things. Not FOR others, but WITH others. And that's where the line is.

You do the work, and I will be beside you every step of the way. It is part of who I am to share my time and energy. No longer is it part of who I am to give myself and my needs up entirely.

Today was a great day. A fantastic event, a great run, and positive energy galore.

I love days like today...and lessons that keep on coming.

I hope that your day was as awesome as mine!
xoxox
Jenn

9.5/10. I'll take it.

Remember when you were in grade school and handed in a paper or a test...and then waited...hours, or days to see how many check marks and red x's you had when you got it back?

In some ways, dating as an adult is like grade school. Boys still 'throw rocks' at girls, in the form of teasing comments; the 'hair pulling' turns to playful smacks on the ass in the grocery store; and grown men still like making us blush and giggle because they learn at an early age how powerful a great sense of humour really is.

As adults we are still graded on a number of tests, it's just the content that changes. No longer are we tested on our ABC's, as much as we are tested on our work ethic, character traits, compatibility, flexibility, sexual prowess, and personality.

I'm happy to know that I have been given a passing grade this time. An A+, even!

Check out the article below from askmen.com. It's kinda totally awesome. It's exactly the kind of girlfriend I always wanted to be...

*I lost points in the 'intelligence' category for my frequent 'Jessica Simpson' moments... Sad, but very very true.

xoxox
~J

*******************************************************************


I must admit that playing the field is a whole lot of fun, but so is being in a serious relationship -- provided that it's with the right woman. But how do you know if she really is the right woman for you? If she possesses the following 10 traits, you better hold on to her for dear life or, before you know it, a guy who already knows where it's at will get his hands on your "goods."


Number 10
She's independent

No one wants a girlfriend they have to baby-sit. Once in a while, like if she's had a rough day at work, it's great to be her shoulder to cry on, but if she can't seem to function without you and is constantly after you, she will eventually make you feel like you're suffocating, which is a surefire way to get you running out the nearest exit.

On the other hand, if she has her very own personality and opinions, can stand on her own two feet, both financially and emotionally, and is able to enjoy time away from you -- while still missing you, of course -- then she must be a great girlfriend.


Number 9
She's intelligent

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the bimbo routine gets real old, real fast. A woman who can meet you at an intellectual level is a total turn-on. Instead of being the one in total control, you'll find yourself trying to figure out what she's really thinking behind those glazed eyes of hers -- or if she's actually thinking at all.

An intelligent woman will constantly surprise you and keep you on your toes. She won't let you get bored of her. Besides, it's nice to have something to talk about between all that chandelier-hanging sex.


Number 8
She's sexual

While we're on the topic, a great girlfriend has to be sexually compatible with you. For instance, if you're into S&M and she's more the "fluffy lingerie" type, that's a problem. The two of you have to be on the same page -- or, at least, she has to be willing to wear leather and use a whip from time to time.

Of course, this doesn't imply that she has to know all the right moves straight away; it simply means that you and she have an undeniable attraction towards each other, and are able to communicate your desires verbally (or with physical cues). It is important that you please each other in the bedroom, or on top of the dryer -- whatever the case may be.


Number 7
She's beautiful

I know, this one is kind of obvious, but important nonetheless. A great girlfriend will not only want to look good for you, but also for herself. She should always look her best and be well put together -- matching lingerie is a definite plus.

You have to be proud to have her on your arm and enjoy the sight of her in any light. And this doesn't mean that she has to be a Heidi Klum clone. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so if you think her full bottom or uncontrollable curls are beautiful, you're allowed.


Number 6
She respects you

This is a biggie. Your woman must respect you. This means that she listens to you, even if she doesn't necessarily agree with what you're saying. And, of course, she never tries to demean or belittle you in any way, shape, or form.

A great girlfriend won't ever cause scenes in public or in front of your friends and family, and will always wait to discuss matters with you in private. If she respects you, chances are that she will behave in a tactful and diplomatic manner in most situations, which is definitely a good thing.

Does your woman bring you and the guys beer on poker night?

Number 5
She lets you be a man

Do not -- I repeat -- do not get involved with a woman who tries to get you to eat cottage cheese and fruit for breakfast and insists that you give up poker night with the guys. You will end up resenting her more than you can imagine. A good girlfriend lets you be a guy in all your glory, poker night and all. If she's a great girlfriend, she'll even bring you and your buddies a couple of beers and make you some of her famous sandwiches.

She has to understand that men and women are different and should allow you to be yourself. Just like you wouldn't deprive her of going shopping with her best girlfriend, she shouldn't expect you to give up the guys for her.


Number 4
She's nagless

There is nothing worse than a nag! A great girlfriend knows this and chooses her battles wisely. She knows when to speak-up and when to let it slide. You don't want a girlfriend who will give you the heights of hell for leaving a couple of dishes in the sink occasionally.

However, if you live together and you stay out all night without calling her, and she lets you have it, then you're setting yourself up for disaster. This is a situation that nobody would let slide -- not even a great girlfriend.


Number 3
She gets along with friends & family

A great girlfriend will not only help your mom in the kitchen, listen to your dad's stories, and hang out with your friends, she will enjoy it. She'll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life. And she won't try to get you to ditch your best buds.

She'll actually empathize with your brother's getting dumped and suggest that you guys take him out to cheer him up. Not only that, but your friends won't roll their eyes and moan when you mention that she'll be joining you guys when she gets off work (yes, women like this do exist).


Number 2
She loves you

If you have found a woman who loves you for who you really are and not who you pretend or try to be sometimes, you should definitely hang on to her. A woman who doesn't try to change you is hard to find. Of course, everyone has their slightly annoying habits that their mate has to contend with, but if she really loves you, she will be able to cope with these.

Another way to know if she really loves you is by observing the way she looks at you and treats you on an everyday basis. If the sight of you doesn't seem to faze her either way, and she doesn't really seem to care about what you have to say, she's either playing very hard to get, or sees you as just some guy. But if a surprise visit or phone call from you makes her light up, there's no denying that she loves you.


Number 1
She makes you want to be a better man

Stop making that face... Any man who has a great girlfriend or wife will tell you that she makes him want to be a better man. She doesn't have to say or do anything; it just is that way. If you suddenly feel bad about how you treated your sister or find yourself trying to get your finances in order, you might want to think about your motivation for doing so. It could be love.


do you already have her?
So, if this list seems to describe your current flame, you, my friend, are styling. In fact, you are probably the envy of all of your friends, even if they tease you for losing your status as "king player."

However, if the woman you are dating is more like the polar opposite, then I don't think that getting serious with her would be in your best interest -- but you knew that already, didn't you?
http://ca.askmen.com/top_10/dating_top_ten_60/74_dating_list.html

That's new...

 

 

trust

n.

1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.

 

What an awesome thing to completely trust the man you have let into your life.

That's new. I like it. A lot.

 

xoxox

~Jenn

This is what I need, please...

I'm trying this new thing lately....and it's hard. Like, really freaking hard.

As nicely as possible, I am practicing these 2 things with the people who surround me:

This is what I need, please.

This is what I can't deal with, thank you.

In a world where a lot of what we talk about is based on pop culture nonsense, and so much of our time is spent texting in shorthand over the airwaves or using social networking sites, the fine art of verbal communication is slowly and sadly becoming a lost art.

In growing numbers, people are airing their dirty laundry on Facebook, and Tweeting their passive-aggressive messages making it more commonplace and socially acceptable.

I was never very good at standing up for what I needed...it always felt like I was asking for too much, and I suppose that was largely because I felt I wasn't worth it.
I also used to bite my tongue when it came time to explain what I couldn't deal with, because I dreaded the thought of being seen as 'too demanding' when in reality, nothing I have ever required has been unreasonable.

Now that I know different, I'm trying to do different.

And so, in my ongoing efforts to become my best me, I am going to continue to try and communicate clearly, openly and maturely - with the people in my life who I trust enough to love me anyways. After all, if they have my best interests at heart, they will make a conscious effort to keep my needs in mind, the same as I do for them - with no agenda or ulterior motives - just straight up truth, respect, and a genuine desire to be part of each others lives.

Think before speaking. Think before acting. Be clear about your needs when you know what they are.

Simple, really.

I hope that you are having an awesome day!
xoxox
~J

Coming out of The Cave...

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

This song is on my iPod, my runPod, and I am sending it to a ridiculously unique and spirited friend who is about to take the trip of a lifetime.
This song makes me think about myself - finding strength in pain, changing my ways, the sun rising as I walk away from all the fears and faults I have left behind.
This song also reminds me of Feather...because she gave me other things to fill my time, and she never let me choke on the noose around my neck.

I hope that you are having an awesome day!
xoxox
Jenn