This is my first time dating someone who is amicably divorced.
This is his first time being divorced.
This is also his first healthy relationship since the split.
This is her first experience with divorce, as well.
Undoubtedly there will be some speed bumps to maneuver over, and we will need to create new rules and boundaries along the way as circumstances change and we navigate into new territory together...but ultimately apart.
I have some experience with this, as I was the new-chick-on-the-block once before. In some ways, it was easier to know my place and my role in that relationship because they had already sussed out the boundaries, and made great strides to move forward with their own lives and away from each other. They had both experienced new relationships, and created their own homemade families with new friends and partners. The expectations were clearly defined, and the communication was logical and concise - not swayed by the desire to greatly care for the other persons emotional well-being anymore.
Side note: We really only have control over how we react to a situation, not how anyone else will react anyways.
In an effort to redefine what the standards are for divorced couples, my guy and his ex are committed to being amicable and civil. As am I. Without a doubt. It is unquestionably in the best interests of their son to be friendly and even social on occasion with each other... understanding that in time, things will change, schedules will fluctuate, healing will continue, personal growth will occur, family events will happen, and we will remain unique individuals.
I figure we are bound to make mistakes along the way though... Which is okay I suppose, as long as we can work through it and come out the other side no worse for wear....
One thing I can say for sure, the 3 of us are genuinely nice people...hopefully being considerately aware of each others space and feelings, while each trying to figure out where we fit in this equation. Nobody wants to upset or hurt anyone else. And neither of us want anything to have a negative effect on their gorgeous 8-year old son.
It isn't always easy, and the harmonious road less-travelled by divorcees isn't for everyone, but the end goal for us is to live peacefully, happily, amicably.....separately.
Of course, these are just my observations as the new kid in town...
I hope that you are having an awesome day!
xoxox
Jenn
Every time I turn around, I keep hearing and reading that overweight people who exercise are much healthier than the inactive skinnier population, and here is a fun and interesting video that goes over this exact point. I have to admit that it does bug me, that people still so often smugly and incorrectly assume that because they are skinny, they are healthier than anyone else....
As if the size of your jeans can sum up the whole of your health.
I am a perfect example of this concept...
~I can out-elliptical, out-walk, out-run, out-cycle and out-weight lift many people I know.
~That said, I am not in competition with anyone other than myself to achieve my own goals.
~I am nowhere near a size small. Hell, I'm not even close to medium.
~My resting heart rate has decreased by 20 beats a minute over the past 2 years.
~Exercise makes me feel better - mentally, and physically.
~My arthritic knees are happier when I keep moving.
~I know that the number on the scale is important, but what those pounds are made up of is even more important.
~I sleep better when I have spent time being active.
~I digest my food normally now, and have been able to give up TUMS altogether.
~My blood pressure is perfect.
~My pee is clear, like a fresh squeezed lemon toilet bowl of water. (TMI!?)
So, here is the question...in case you don't watch the video...
Can you devote 30 minutes a day to exercise? How about 150 minutes per week? Can you do it for yourself? For your kids? For your significant other? For a longer, healthier, happier life? Can you cut back on the cigarettes? alcohol? television? McDonald's?
Bottom line: For any of the reasons listed above, that 30 minutes a day of active living is so bloody worth it. Even if you never squeeze your arse into a size 8. Or 10. Or hell, even a 12.
I hope that you're having an AWESOME day!
xoxox
~J
Moving to the Mainland from Newfoundland 10 years ago was a hard adjustment. So many things are different here, and most of it I have managed to adapt to quite easily. The thing I have had the most trouble coming to terms with, is how stand-offish and reserved people in Ottawa specifically, seem to be.
Don't get me wrong, I love Ottawa. Really and truly, I do. It is an insanely beautiful, easy-to-navigate city. We have beautiful architecture, lots of history, loads of festivals and more fabulous walk/run/bike paths than you can shake a stick at. But the biggest difference I have found since moving here 10 years ago, is how rarely people make eye contact with each other. And even more scarce!?
How often they SMILE.
My best day in Ottawa to date, was the day I was cheering for my friends running in the NCC half marathon, and I wore a tiara on the sidelines so they could find me. For some reason, everyone I saw that day smiled at me. People waved, said 'hello', and more than one person called me a 'pretty princess'.
In retrospect, they may have thought I was out on a weekend pass from the Royal Ottawa Hospital.
I digress.
This whole not smiling thing kind of goes against my entire nature, really.
I am a Newfoundlander.
I am happy.
I am a morning person.
I am Smiley McSmileston.
I am hilarious.
I smile when I am uncomfortable, when I am happy, when I am choosing my words carefully in an argument, when I am placing an order at a restaurant, or pretty much almost every time I interact with another human being.
That is the thing. We are human beings. And we are avoiding each other at all costs these days. We are on the phone, texting, driving, rushing, shopping, eating, raising little human beings, working, living.
And trust me, I am not oblivious to reality. I swear, I really do get it. We are all so dang busy. We all have places to go, things to do, people to see, homes to take care of, and I think we can all agree that there are NOT enough hours in the day. But have we really gotten too busy to put on a SMILE?
Well, I'm not.
A couple of weeks ago at work, I started saying "hello" and smiling at every single person I passed in the hallway. We work in the same office together everyday so you would think we would all acknowledge each other, right? Nope.
More often than not, people are not holding open the door for the person behind them, they aren't saying 'please' or 'thank you', and they definitely aren't smiling. Not even those forced constipated smiles on really cranky days. I know that you know the smile I'm talking about.
The response has been good so far...I would say I am batting a 95% average for replies to my smiles and hello's. I can feel that I am already happier and, if you can believe it, even more smiley than I was before. People who had never acknowledged me in the past, are now saying "hello" back. It's a start, right? Albeit a small one. Next step?
Taking this SMILE PROJECT public. Shopping malls, drug stores, the gym, and I think I might go really crazy and try the sidewalk too!!!
Why don't you join me? Make an effort to smile more, and say hello to the people who aren't already engaged in conversation with someone - I bet it makes you happier to spread the positive energy. And it is such an easy thing to do!
My next project is a little old school, and it might be harder to put into practice, but you know what they say. Where there is a will...there is a way.
Ready for it?
Holding open doors for people and saying "thank you". Reviewing it again, just like we are in kindergarten, if that is what it takes.
In all seriousness though...a smile is a beautiful thing. It really does make the giver and the receiver feel great. Do it often enough, and it will put a bounce in your step, and renew your faith in humans when they start responding in kind.
Who cares if they think you just got let out of your rubber room on a day pass?
~I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite. Buddy The Elf
Have an AWESOME and SMILEY day!!!
xoxox
Love and SMILES,
Jenn
No joke. I make it almost every week, and eat it throughout the week in 1, or 2 cup measured out portions. People keep asking me for the recipe, so I am posting it here:
2 cans of black beans - rinsed
2 cans of corn - rinsed
1 cup of chopped pepper - whatever colour you like, and I usually do 3 whole peppers, but that's just me because the original recipe calls for onions and tomatoes, which I hate.
1/2 cup grape tomatoes
1/2 onions
1/2 cup chopped basil (I cheat and buy the squeeze tube of basil from the grocery store - add 2 tablespoons or so)
1/2 cup feta cheese - Ummmmmm...whoever adds only 1/2 cup of Feta ain't no friend of mine. I always add a lil' extra.
Dressing:
1/2 cup olive oil
3 tablespoons of white wine vinegar - I usually add a wee bit extra, cause I love it.
1 teaspoon mustard - recipe calls for Dijon, which I hate, so I use regular
Mix the salad portion together, make the dressing, add, stir. Add salt and pepper to taste.
I have started adding a little bit of carrot, to try it out, and will also try celery soon, too... I also add some extra spices, like maybe paprika, or chipotle - just for extra flavour.
Enjoy!
xoxox
~Jenn
So I posted 2 days ago about how hard this journey is sometimes. How hard it is to get to the gym, when what you really want to do is position yourself horizontally and catch up on Ellen and Coronation Street episodes. How hard it is to figure out what you're supposed to be doing in the first place, when your whole life has been spent doing something else. How hard it can be to sift through all the conflicting advice and information to find out what works best for you. How hard it can be to juggle work, a home, a life, the gym, finances, and your calorie balance.
And probably the hardest for me personally - how hard it is to shut off my hateful inner voice.
For so many years, I spoke to myself in negative tones, with hurtful words. And let's not forget that with the help of some key people in my life, I ultimately came to view myself as fat, disgusting, useless, good-for-nothing, stupid, lazy, ugly, and unlovable.
Sadly, I still sometimes think that way. Granted, it isn't nearly as often as it used to be, but it does still happen. I really do a great job of beating myself up far worse than anyone else ever has. Literally, or figuratively.
The great days, are the days that I catch myself doing it, and I stop it from snowballing into something bigger and worse than it already is.
The bad days, are the days that the first thought turns into countless thoughts. And I continue kicking the crap out of myself until I retreat, feeling all out of sorts, not quite sure what the hell just happened. All dazed and confused, I sit there mulling over thoughts like...
"Why would anyone ever love me? What have I really done to be proud of? Why can't I just get the last of this weight off? Why don't I work harder towards this goal? You aren't working hard enough! Who would ever want to make out with me when I look like this? You are disgusting."
You know what though? I wouldn't ever - like, not in a million years!!! - dream of speaking to my best friends or my lover, the same way I speak to myself sometimes. For that matter, I wouldn't even say those things to my worst enemy. And yet, I have no trouble thinking those things about myself. Wtf is that about!?!
I wish someone could break me of this nasty habit for good. I wish *I* could break myself of this nasty habit for good. I don't want to think this way about myself. Not for a minute. Not for a day. Not ever again.
And I know I am not alone in this...we all do it. That is why I try to make a point of telling people I care about that I love them, that I am proud of them, and point out their best qualities. I have some amazing, unique and truly beautiful people around me.
I think the trick might be to start trying to see ourselves the way others do. Maybe?
I'm hoping that is the key anyway. I'm going to try it...I'll let you know how it works out.
Hope that you are having an awesome day!
xoxox
Jenn
Innumerable people have asked me how hard it was to lose 101 lbs in a year. And my answer has always been the same... "Eating better and moving more wasn't that difficult. Figuring out why I was turning to food for comfort and addressing my issues was the really hard stuff."
But you know what? Sometimes this is HARD. Sometimes, I have to suffocate the voice in my head... You know the one I'm talking about... "You can skip the gym today, it won't hurt or derail your efforts. It is just one day."
The math however, tells me otherwise. If I want to eat supper and still be at a caloric deficit, I have to go to the gym. Even if I already went to Trainer Mike's and weight trained for an hour. That isn't enough for me anymore.
I am hungry and tired, but I don't get to go home and relax..... Nooooooooo, I have to drag my ass to the gym to burn 535 calories on the elliptical so that I can eat a guilt-free supper of delicious and nutricious homemade turkey chili. The only other option is to restrict my calories all day, which will only result in hangry (so hungry I am angry) Jennifer. And nobody likes her much. She is a bit of a bitch.
And that is part of the obsessive twisted mindset that a determined person gets tangled up in. Instead of breaking even in the calories in/calories out daily account, I absolutely must land myself in the minus column before I can rest my weary head at night.
Sure, this is better than having to face major health issues like diabetes, or heart disease...but it just really pisses me off sometimes how consuming this whole process can be. And I am allowed to occasionally be cranky...and maybe even a little bit bummed that this is the bed I have made for myself. And now I have to lay sweat in it.
I just wish it was easier. Or that I wasn't in this position in the first place.
Ugh. Except that all of this has made me who I am. I guess.
*Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.*
I can't wait for the day that I am finally satisfied.
Nobody said it would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it.
I hope that you are having an awesome day!
xoxox
Love,
~J
P.S. Work hard. Hard work. Dedication. And be nice to people - because the world needs more positive energy.
I haven't written anything in 8 days...mostly because nothing overly serious has happened, or been weighing on my mind. At least, nothing I have been able to wrap my mind around enough to write it out... So here are random thoughts and updates.
- My 21 Days to recreate better habits is going well. I am putting in extra hours at the gym, focusing on my cardio routine which had fallen by the wayside over these last few months. Some nights I go to the gym, as well as The Running Room for my walking clinic, or in addition to weight training with Trainer Mike. I am becoming a machine again. I missed that.
- I am down 3.5lbs in 2 weeks. A nice, healthy rate of weight loss. As long as it keeps going in the right direction, I don't care much what number is on the scale. Whoa! Check out that HUGE shift in mindset!!! It took me forever to get it through my head that I can be healthy and fit without being obsessed with the scale. Say what!?
- I went to see Prince in concert with my sweet man and 2 of our best friends last night. I love any excuse to wear red lipstick! Not going to lie, I wasn't sure what to expect. I mean, isn't Prince like 114 years old now? Let me tell you... he and his white high heels kicked up quite a show, and I have never seen so much energy in Ottawa, at any show. Ever. It was AMAZING.
- I feel overwhelmed with gratitude lately. For everyone, and everything that I have in my life. I really do have to pinch myself sometimes - I am so so so lucky.
- This morning I walked 16 kilometres. That's 9.94 miles. And it is really freaking far. But I did it. Despite arthritis and a lack of sleep, I did it. And it was awesome.
- I really cannot stand it when I smile or say hello to people and they can't even force a constipated smile in return. Quite simply, it is rude. RUDE. And I wish it didn't drive me insane, but it does. Like, out of my mind crazy. How hard is it to SMILE for eff sakes!?!
- It is December. Christmas parties, food and decorations are everywhere. I haven't even begun to think about it, or the money it will cost me. I would much rather give my time, love and attention to loved ones, than some material gift that they don't really need.
- I am loving http://www.myfitnesspal.com/!!! I aim for a calorie deficit everyday. It is like Facebook, for fitness. Status updates, comments, photos, and a bio. If you are a member there, add me - 1qtnewf. It keeps me honest and accountable.
- Lately, my mind is consumed with thoughts of a tummy tuck someday. I am certain that I will not be fully satisfied until I get where I need to be, and get that surgery done. This is just one of the things I am working on in my head for a better blog post later. But yes, I think about this every. single. day. Multiple times.
- Everyone is talking about bullies lately. And I watched this video today - this kid is AMAZING. I bawled my eyes out. I cannot believe that human beings can be so cruel and unkind to one another, and the comments on his video range from atrociously offensive, to spectacularly encouraging. What a shame that we can't treat each other with more kindness and love. I am sending Jonah, and all kids like him, heaps of my love.
- I need a pedicure. Badly.
- I should call my mother. And my grandparents. Not tonight.
See? Prince. Fedoras and red lipstick. And love. Does life get any better than this?
That's it, really. Just rambling. And updating.
Love,
Jenn
