Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Who are you to judge?
I was walking with some friends last week, and we passed a bigger girl who was eating a piece of cake. One of my friends actually had the balls to say I hate that. Seeing big people eat bad food that they obviously do not need. She knows she shouldn't eat that cake, and she is doing it anyways.
He may have even tossed in a 'she's disgusting' - I can't recall - but he definitely called her 'back boobs'.
Are you even kidding me!?! I was floored by how condemning and critical his comments were. And even more so by the fact that they came out of his mouth - someone who has only started living a healthy life in the past 2 years, who has lost 75lbs, and knows what it is like to be a bigger member of society.
Talk about judgemental. And a whole lot hypocritical, too.
Without knowing this girl, or her journey, I jumped to her defence in a big way. I cannot believe you would ever say such a thing, you jerk! Jesus, you were once just like her - eating food you knew wasn't good for you, but doing it anyways. Nobody can dispute that you deserve credit for having changed your life, and only you know the reason why food was your crutch, but the bottom line is that you don't get to judge and condemn her for her choices. You know as well as I do, that when you carry around that much extra weight, it is because food is your drug of choice, but unfortunately, everyone can see it. Where people with food issues wear their problems like a technicolour dreamcoat, people with alcohol, or drug problems can hide their vice from public eyes far more easily. You should be sympathetic towards her and the pain you know that she is probably in, and not be so fucking judgemental.
Safe to say, I was a bit pissed. And he ate humble pie for dessert that day.
Maybe I took his comments personally because I used to be just like her. Actually....for that matter, if you were to pass me on the street, without knowing me, how often I work out, and how much effort I put into making good choices for myself, you might consider me just like her still. This girl and I are built very differently, but we aren't that different.
That is what perception is all about, right? I do not look athletic, but I am more active than many people I know. But nobody knows my journey better than me...and nobody has earned the right to judge me for any of it. Not even a little bit.
Honestly, being overweight places you amongst one of the last socially acceptable discriminated groups out there. You can't be caught making genuinely unkind remarks about race, sex, age, or sexual orientation anymore. But if you're fat? You're fair game. And boy, do people like to play.
Without knowing, without understanding, and in most cases, without ever having been in their shoes, people judge overweight folks all the time. They assume that we are just lazy and eat too much junk food. They offer unsolicited, critical, pointed advice, and they make rude, hurtful comments. Behind our backs, and to our faces. For the record, we don't need anyone to tell us we have a 'fat ass'. We own mirrors, dickhead.
What gives you the right to judge anyone, anyways? Your journey and choices are yours. My journey and my choices are mine.
I have boycotted places like McDonald's for almost 3 years now, but I don't smugly sit upon my throne and judge people who still choose to eat there. I try very hard to choose fruit and vegetables over chocolate covered almonds, and choose popcorn over potato chips - every day, those are the decisions I have to make. But this is my journey, and those are conscious choices that work for ME. Perhaps that isn't what works for THEM or they aren't ready to try yet. In due time, if and when they are ready, they will do the work. Maybe ask for help, maybe not. And maybe they will never be ready to change, or they just don't want to.
Whatever the case, it isn't any of my damn business anyways.
Nor is it any of yours.
Have an awesome day!