Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Again, I am no wallflower...
Shy isn't exactly a word I would use to describe myself. Not now, not ever.
I was never the wallflower, never quiet, never one to hold her tongue.
What I was could only be classified as uncomfortably self conscious. I would go anywhere and do anything with people who I already knew. People who already knew me. People who I felt comfortable around. People I wasn't afraid of being judged by. It was just more comfortable and easy that way.
I didn't make efforts to make new friends, I let new friends find me. And I can only ever recall approaching someone first out of absolute necessity and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness when I first left Newfoundland 11 years ago.
And while I have no regrets - because I know that I needed those walls at that time and I wasn't ready to take them down - I am not oblivious to the fact that I likely missed out on meeting some really cool people, and experiencing some really awesome moments every time I said 'no' to an invitation.
How I came to realize this was by being asked to assist with the make-up department for the local showing of RENT here in Ottawa. Years ago, I would have doubted my abilities, and more than likely declined the request because I would have felt....out of place, self conscious, not 'cool' enough, the opposite of awesome, too fat... I would have let my weight, and how I felt about myself keep me from taking part in something new...something awesome...something I now feel honoured to play even the smallest role in.
Nobody would have ever known that I was feeling those things. Not a single friend would have known that. But it is the truth.
And what a shame that would be if I were still choosing to hide instead of stand out. If I were choosing to eat and wallow instead of help others and take part in something meaningful and big, and full of positive energy.
I think this is why I like signing up for walks, runs, and races. And why I like coaching running clinics. It pushes me outside my comfort zone every time I have to introduce myself to someone new and talk in front of a group. It fills me with ridiculous amounts of positive energy whenever I am surrounded by kind, grateful, positive people...
Get out of your comfort zone! It's prettier out here, that's for sure. And as it turns out, people don't bite. Unless you ask them to, of course.
Have an awesome day!