Granted, I am definitely at a point in my life now where I will go almost anywhere, dressed however I please, have fun, rock my curves, and flirt
Maybe this is because of my age? my weight loss? my confidence? my I-don't-give-a-fuck-what-you-think-of-me attitude?
Who can say for sure, but probably a combination of all of the above.
I used to have a guaranteed complete meltdown at the prospect of going out with my "skinny" friends. I'm talking the equivalent of a 3-year old, fist-and-feet-pounding-the-floor, full blown tantrum. They were never pretty.
In preparation for a weekend trip to Montreal (where I am pretty sure it is mandatory that you not only be thin, but you also must be beautiful and super funky cool to be allowed on the streets), I would go shopping to get a new outfit for the bar. This would often result in dressing room tears and obscenities yelled at the sales girl. (Not cool!)
While we were getting ready to go out, I would snap at my friends in momentary fits of jealousy, because "you are the ones who all the boys flirt with, dance with, and take home (don't judge....we've all had one night stands), and why would anyone flirt with me anyways because I'm fat!?!?"
I don't admit any of this with pride. These were not my shining moments.
And then one day I decided to fake it till I make it. Maybe I wasn't the skinniest, most beautifully dressed, most sought after confident girl in the club, but I could pretend to be, couldn't I?
I remember one specific trip to Montreal with friends when I decided to make an effort to look like I was having fun, and that I
The trick? I call it the Wink and Smile.
Remember Elle Woods in Legally Blonde doing the Bend and Snap?
Well, the Wink and Smile is just like the Bend and Snap, without the risk of a hamstring pull, or concussion. It also comes without the risk of any real rejection.
See a cute guy across the bar? A friend of a friend has joined you at your table?
Put your shoulders back, keep your head up, smile, and wink. It is that easy to let someone know that you are open, friendly and interested, without ever really putting yourself and your fragile confidence on the line. Best part? It works!
At the very least, I always got a smile back. More often than not, I got a reciprocal wink. And in many cases, I got asked to dance. Just like all my skinny friends. Win. Win. Win.
Question: Isn't that what matters most in the life of a twenty-something curvy girl?
I would be lying though if I didn't admit that as a thirty-something curvy girl there are still times when going out to trendy places gives me mild anxiety. I stress about the possibility of being the biggest girl in the club, not having anything cute enough to wear, being out with all my skinny friends and....depending on the day, I sometimes stress about not really feeling all that beautiful or 'cool'.
It doesn't happen often (thank Christ!), but it does still happen.
And when it does? I reach into my little bag of tricks, slap on some lip gloss, and fake it till I make it with a wink and a smile.
It picks me up and it works like a charm. Every single time.