If I could trade my tree trunk legs for a more shapely pair, I would.
If I could wish my stomach and junk-in-the-trunk ass into a smaller pair of pants, I would.
If I could click my heels and instantly be over all of my food issues, I would.
If I could snap my fingers and go back to my Pants Burning Weight, (when I still felt so. fucking. fat. - oh, the irony!), I would.
- a tape worm
- a thyroid issue
- a weight-loss-inducing disease
- miracle drugs
- the will power to be anorexic or bulimic
- the diet to end all diets
- to have my jaw wired shut
Yes, I know how completely fucked all of that sounds.
I also know that I am not alone in these thoughts. There are many others like me, who have wished for the same, or worse. I can only imagine what others could add to that childhood list of whacked out wishes.
Except that I am not a kid anymore. I am an adult and I am trying to banish all of these thoughts; to live with and accept the fact that I am struggling...and if this were a cut and dry, easy journey, everyone would do it. Wouldn't they?
I own the fact that I have gone backwards on this journey.
Make no mistake though, I am no less determined now than I ever was, to get control over my binge/stress/closet eating issues. Deep rooted as they may be, I'll win.
Come hell, or high water.
Less wishing, more doing.