If I could trade my tree trunk legs for a more shapely pair, I would.
If I could wish my stomach and junk-in-the-trunk ass into a smaller pair of pants, I would.
If I could click my heels and instantly be over all of my food issues, I would.
If I could snap my fingers and go back to my Pants Burning Weight, (when I still felt so. fucking. fat. - oh, the irony!), I would.
Growing up,
- a tape worm
- a thyroid issue
- a weight-loss-inducing disease
- miracle drugs
- the will power to be anorexic or bulimic
- the diet to end all diets
- to have my jaw wired shut
Yes, I know how completely fucked all of that sounds.
I also know that I am not alone in these thoughts. There are many others like me, who have wished for the same, or worse. I can only imagine what others could add to that childhood list of whacked out wishes.
Except that I am not a kid anymore. I am an adult and I am trying to banish all of these thoughts; to live with and accept the fact that I am struggling...and if this were a cut and dry, easy journey, everyone would do it. Wouldn't they?
I own the fact that I have gone backwards on this journey.
Make no mistake though, I am no less determined now than I ever was, to get control over my binge/stress/closet eating issues. Deep rooted as they may be, I'll win.
Come hell, or high water.
Less wishing, more doing.
xoxox
~J
3 comments:
Great post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts.
I love you.
Just the way you are. Regardless of your pant size. Regardless of what your mirror tells you. Regardless of what YOU tell yourSELF. Regardless of what you do in your apartment when you’re all alone and feeling pissed and sad and overwhelmed and under-loved.
I love you – because YOU are awesome. Inside and out. Radiate sunshine and goodness and a plethora of sayings that should be mounted on coffee mugs.
You rock, baby girl. Don’t you dare ever forget it.
xoxoxooxoxox
I just watched your video on youtube. Where I found the link to this site. I don't know what you are going through right now exactly as I have only had the chance to read one post, but it looks as though you are not happy with where you are right now. I am there too. I was doing so good and then BAM! I got slapped in the face with a Big Mac. :)~ I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to talk to you! Ok, going to read more. :)
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