How do you define success?

I define it by walking past this table laden with sweets and treats 4 times! 

And not taking a single piece.

No matter how loudly they called out my name.

Specifically, the bastard vanilla cupcakes, and the tuxedo cake at the far end.

Instead, I had grapes and boiled eggs.

I don't win every battle, but I am still fighting to win the war.

xoxox

~J

(There were a lot more sweets on this table before I snapped this picture at 10:30 this morning.)

If your faith is sagging, hug a Newfie!

"The moment you lose your faith in people, I recommend you save up your pennies and take a trip to Newfoundland. Meet the Newfoundlanders and your faith will be restored. You will meet total strangers and they will become friends. You will walk in as an unknown soul and come out with buddies who'll stand up for you in any fight. You will hear them laugh at themselves, singing songs and tell tales. They will take life's curves with grace and know that being alive is a whole lot better than being dead. They will treat you for who you are and not put on phony airs. If you need a hand, you get an army. They will take you in, buy you a round, make you part of the family and by the time you leave the Rock, you'll fall in love with the place. You see, Newfoundlanders are Newfoundlanders wherever they go. After all, as John Crosbie once said, you can always tell the Newfoundlanders in Heaven - they're the ones who want to go home! If Your Faith is Sagging, Hug a Newfoundlander!"

Today, I miss home. 
xoxox
~J

The Office.

My co-worker (who is an absolute sweetheart), tends to display mild symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder, and decided to take a few days off last week. Before she left, we received the following warning.

In writing.

"Make sure no one goes near, on, or under my desk and messes with my stuff!!!!"

Specifically, my warning included an additional: "That includes you."

Sounds like an invitation as far as I'm concerned..........so I gathered some friends together and proceeded to text her the images below at random while she was off. It was fun to get others involved, laughing, and to see what kind of ideas they brought to the table desk.

I even took the time to Instagram them. 

Yes, I'm that nice.

A la George Kastanza.

 Pedicures are always okay. Even at work.

I only look like I am daydreaming. Really I am thinking about sales and numbers and budgets chocolate.

The balled up Kleenex was supposed to make the most impact here, but what really set her off, was that her lotion was out of place. Really? The relocated lotion disturbs you more than what this picture implies?!

This pen vibrates. (I have no idea why anyone would want a pen that vibrates.) 

Never mind.

Hemorrhoid cushions often double as hats here.

There is some serious stage-5 worshipping going on here.

Nap time! Never complete without a wee little lamb.

Did I mention she hates when people sit on her desk?
Perhaps making an exception for this guy.

You can't complain that you lost your favourite new pen now! 

The ol' tape over the mouthpiece trick! An oldie, but a goodie!

I wish I could claim sole responsibility over each of these little gems, but thankfully, I am surrounded by equally childish and sick friends as myself, so I had loads of help.

And it just keeps getting better! We just hooked up a wireless mouse to her computer that I can control from my desk.

She clicks on her email screen, and I click on Google Chrome.

She clicks on an excel spreadsheet, and I click on notepad.

It's driving her crazy.

Have an awesome day!
xoxox

~J

I am so smrt.

I picked up my new car on May 16th. 

50 days ago.

And last night, while walking to my car with friends after catching the fabulous David Gray (Oh my God, I love him so fucking much!) in concert, the following conversation happened:

Fredo: This will be my first time in your new car.

Feather: Are you still loving it?

Me: Oh yes! There are two small things that I miss though. It doesn't get as freeze-your-balls-off cold as my Matrix did, and there isn't a car alarm.

Fredo: That can't be right. 

Feather: Are you sure?

Me: Yep.

Kwesi: Are you really sure?

Me (this is leading to the climax of this story, so pay close attention here): Oh yes! I even lost the car when I parked it at the movies the other night. I was walking around and around in this sweatbox underground parking garage, and had to keep pushing the button that locks the doors, so that the lights would flash and the horn would beep till I could find it!

Kwesi: Maybe you have to push two buttons at the same time to get the alarm to go off.

Fredo: Or push just one of the buttons and hold it for awhile. Have you looked in the instruction manual?

Me: Of course not. I don't do that! That's what boys are for.

Fredo: Those Koreans make good cars. For sure there is an alarm.

Kwesi: There has to be an alarm, Jennifer.

So I (still insisting that there is not an alarm button) take my keys out of my purse.

I'll put an end to this and prove the three of them wrong right now, I'm thinking.

Because obviously, if I have been driving my car for the past 50 days, I would know if there is an alarm on the fob by now. 

Obviously........................................................................

Oops.

********************************************************************

I swear to you, I really am more than just a pretty face.


It just doesn't seem like it sometimes.


Have an awesome day!


xoxox
~J

So true.

I have never believed that happiness can be found in the newest television, a fancy car, new stereo, big bank account, boat, house, new job, baby, drug filled syringe, snort of cocaine, joint, cigarette, expensive wedding, gaming system, vacation, a cottage, the bottom of a scotch glass, material possessions, a new puppy.......

I have had to learn I am sometimes still learning that happiness can not be found in a return phone call, a reply email, a one night stand, an orgasm, new purses, a specific number on the scale, the size tag in my jeans, attention from men, a boyfriend, a very. full. social life, orrrrrr......a bag of chips, a pizza, a chocolate bar 2 chocolate bars.......

xoxox

~J