Friday, November 29, 2013

Short.


I can't shake this feeling lately.

Constantly questioning where I fit in.

Wanting to feel like I belong. Belong somewhere. To someone.

Desiring validation, and recognition.

I feel like a failure. Like I'm doing a miserable job at so many things.


It feels like I'm nowhere near done figuring out my fucking issues, and the things that hold me back. Why I hold myself back. Why I still have residual pain from childhood shit. 

I still can't seem to let my guard fully down...allow myself to be vulnerable...really shed light on every shameful feeling I carry around. That I've carried around since I was a little kid.

I envy people who don't have the weight of these things on their minds and in their hearts. Were they just blessed with better upbringings? Are they simply more resilient than I am? Or do they sweep all their stuff under the rug and numb out with other vices?

Back to therapy I go, I guess. Cause the chocolate ain't helping me figure out a damn thing.

~J

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's like reading my own thoughts! Thank you so much for sharing! I am just now starting my weight loss journey again. Like I have not tried this a zillion times since I was a young girl of oh 7!! People say some of the worst things to you. What hurts the most though is when it's family. People who you wonder how they can really love you and still tell you that no one will ever really love you. I have always believed it all! I struggle with this every single day of my life! I seen you video on Youtube and I will be watching it over and over! you are a wonderful inspiration!! Thank you so much!

Annie Boulet said...

Hunny! missing your posts! :)
xoxoxo.