Friday, November 29, 2013
I can't shake this feeling lately.
Constantly questioning where I fit in.
Wanting to feel like I belong. Belong somewhere. To someone.
Desiring validation, and recognition.
I feel like a failure. Like I'm doing a miserable job at so many things.
It feels like I'm nowhere near done figuring out my fucking issues, and the things that hold me back. Why I hold myself back. Why I still have residual pain from childhood shit.
I still can't seem to let my guard fully down...allow myself to be vulnerable...really shed light on every shameful feeling I carry around. That I've carried around since I was a little kid.
I envy people who don't have the weight of these things on their minds and in their hearts. Were they just blessed with better upbringings? Are they simply more resilient than I am? Or do they sweep all their stuff under the rug and numb out with other vices?
Back to therapy I go, I guess. Cause the chocolate ain't helping me figure out a damn thing.